SPACES
[ 18 ]


Yes because he never did a thing like that before as ask to get his
breakfast in bed with a couple of eggs since the _City Arms_ hotel when
he used to be pretending to be laid up with a sick voice doing his
highness to make himself interesting for that old faggot Mrs Riordan
that he thought he had a great leg of and she never left us a farthing
all for masses for herself and her soul greatest miser ever was
actually afraid to lay out 4d for her methylated spirit telling me all
her ailments she had too much old chat in her about politics and
earthquakes and the end of the world let us have a bit of fun first God
help the world if all the women were her sort down on bathingsuits and
lownecks of course nobody wanted her to wear them I suppose she was
pious because no man would look at her twice I hope Ill never be like
her a wonder she didnt want us to cover our faces but she was a
welleducated woman certainly and her gabby talk about Mr Riordan here
and Mr Riordan there I suppose he was glad to get shut of her and her
dog smelling my fur and always edging to get up under my petticoats
especially then still I like that in him polite to old women like that
and waiters and beggars too hes not proud out of nothing but not always
if ever he got anything really serious the matter with him its much
better for them to go into a hospital where everything is clean but I
suppose Id have to dring it into him for a month yes and then wed have
a hospital nurse next thing on the carpet have him staying there till
they throw him out or a nun maybe like the smutty photo he has shes as
much a nun as Im not yes because theyre so weak and puling when theyre
sick they want a woman to get well if his nose bleeds youd think it was
O tragic and that dyinglooking one off the south circular when he
sprained his foot at the choir party at the sugarloaf Mountain the day
I wore that dress Miss Stack bringing him flowers the worst old ones
she could find at the bottom of the basket anything at all to get into
a mans bedroom with her old maids voice trying to imagine he was dying
on account of her to never see thy face again though he looked more
like a man with his beard a bit grown in the bed father was the same
besides I hate bandaging and dosing when he cut his toe with the razor
paring his corns afraid hed get bloodpoisoning but if it was a thing I
was sick then wed see what attention only of course the woman hides it
not to give all the trouble they do yes he came somewhere Im sure by
his appetite anyway love its not or hed be off his feed thinking of her
so either it was one of those night women if it was down there he was
really and the hotel story he made up a pack of lies to hide it
planning it Hynes kept me who did I meet ah yes I met do you remember
Menton and who else who let me see that big babbyface I saw him and he
not long married flirting with a young girl at Pooles Myriorama and
turned my back on him when he slinked out looking quite conscious what
harm but he had the impudence to make up to me one time well done to
him mouth almighty and his boiled eyes of all the big stupoes I ever
met and thats called a solicitor only for I hate having a long wrangle
in bed or else if its not that its some little bitch or other he got in
with somewhere or picked up on the sly if they only knew him as well as
I do yes because the day before yesterday he was scribbling something a
letter when I came into the front room to show him Dignams death in the
paper as if something told me and he covered it up with the
blottingpaper pretending to be thinking about business so very probably
that was it to somebody who thinks she has a softy in him because all
men get a bit like that at his age especially getting on to forty he is
now so as to wheedle any money she can out of him no fool like an old
fool and then the usual kissing my bottom was to hide it not that I
care two straws now who he does it with or knew before that way though
Id like to find out so long as I dont have the two of them under my
nose all the time like that slut that Mary we had in Ontario terrace
padding out her false bottom to excite him bad enough to get the smell
of those painted women off him once or twice I had a suspicion by
getting him to come near me when I found the long hair on his coat
without that one when I went into the kitchen pretending he was
drinking water 1 woman is not enough for them it was all his fault of
course ruining servants then proposing that she could eat at our table
on Christmas day if you please O no thank you not in my house stealing
my potatoes and the oysters 2/6 per doz going out to see her aunt if
you please common robbery so it was but I was sure he had something on
with that one it takes me to find out a thing like that he said you
have no proof it was her proof O yes her aunt was very fond of oysters
but I told her what I thought of her suggesting me to go out to be
alone with her I wouldnt lower myself to spy on them the garters I
found in her room the Friday she was out that was enough for me a
little bit too much her face swelled up on her with temper when I gave
her her weeks notice I saw to that better do without them altogether do
out the rooms myself quicker only for the damn cooking and throwing out
the dirt I gave it to him anyhow either she or me leaves the house I
couldnt even touch him if I thought he was with a dirty barefaced liar
and sloven like that one denying it up to my face and singing about the
place in the W C too because she knew she was too well off yes because
he couldnt possibly do without it that long so he must do it somewhere
and the last time he came on my bottom when was it the night Boylan
gave my hand a great squeeze going along by the Tolka in my hand there
steals another I just pressed the back of his like that with my thumb
to squeeze back singing the young May moon shes beaming love because he
has an idea about him and me hes not such a fool he said Im dining out
and going to the Gaiety though Im not going to give him the
satisfaction in any case God knows hes a change in a way not to be
always and ever wearing the same old hat unless I paid some nicelooking
boy to do it since I cant do it myself a young boy would like me Id
confuse him a little alone with him if we were Id let him see my
garters the new ones and make him turn red looking at him seduce him I
know what boys feel with that down on their cheek doing that frigging
drawing out the thing by the hour question and answer would you do this
that and the other with the coalman yes with a bishop yes I would
because I told him about some dean or bishop was sitting beside me in
the jews temples gardens when I was knitting that woollen thing a
stranger to Dublin what place was it and so on about the monuments and
he tired me out with statues encouraging him making him worse than he
is who is in your mind now tell me who are you thinking of who is it
tell me his name who tell me who the german Emperor is it yes imagine
Im him think of him can you feel him trying to make a whore of me what
he never will he ought to give it up now at this age of his life simply
ruination for any woman and no satisfaction in it pretending to like it
till he comes and then finish it off myself anyway and it makes your
lips pale anyhow its done now once and for all with all the talk of the
world about it people make its only the first time after that its just
the ordinary do it and think no more about it why cant you kiss a man
without going and marrying him first you sometimes love to wildly when
you feel that way so nice all over you you cant help yourself I wish
some man or other would take me sometime when hes there and kiss me in
his arms theres nothing like a kiss long and hot down to your soul
almost paralyses you then I hate that confession when I used to go to
Father Corrigan he touched me father and what harm if he did where and
I said on the canal bank like a fool but whereabouts on your person my
child on the leg behind high up was it yes rather high up was it where
you sit down yes O Lord couldnt he say bottom right out and have done
with it what has that got to do with it and did you whatever way he put
it I forget no father and I always think of the real father what did he
want to know for when I already confessed it to God he had a nice fat
hand the palm moist always I wouldnt mind feeling it neither would he
Id say by the bullneck in his horsecollar I wonder did he know me in
the box I could see his face he couldnt see mine of course hed never
turn or let on still his eyes were red when his father died theyre lost
for a woman of course must be terrible when a man cries let alone them
Id like to be embraced by one in his vestments and the smell of incense
off him like the pope besides theres no danger with a priest if youre
married hes too careful about himself then give something to H H the
pope for a penance I wonder was he satisfied with me one thing I didnt
like his slapping me behind going away so familiarly in the hall though
I laughed Im not a horse or an ass am I I suppose he was thinking of
his fathers I wonder is he awake thinking of me or dreaming am I in it
who gave him that flower he said he bought he smelt of some kind of
drink not whisky or stout or perhaps the sweety kind of paste they
stick their bills up with some liqueur Id like to sip those richlooking
green and yellow expensive drinks those stagedoor johnnies drink with
the opera hats I tasted once with my finger dipped out of that American
that had the squirrel talking stamps with father he had all he could do
to keep himself from falling asleep after the last time after we took
the port and potted meat it had a fine salty taste yes because I felt
lovely and tired myself and fell asleep as sound as a top the moment I
popped straight into bed till that thunder woke me up God be merciful
to us I thought the heavens were coming down about us to punish us when
I blessed myself and said a Hail Mary like those awful thunderbolts in
Gibraltar as if the world was coming to an end and then they come and
tell you theres no God what could you do if it was running and rushing
about nothing only make an act of contrition the candle I lit that
evening in Whitefriars street chapel for the month of May see it
brought its luck though hed scoff if he heard because he never goes to
church mass or meeting he says your soul you have no soul inside only
grey matter because he doesnt know what it is to have one yes when I
lit the lamp because he must have come 3 or 4 times with that
tremendous big red brute of a thing he has I thought the vein or
whatever the dickens they call it was going to burst though his nose is
not so big after I took off all my things with the blinds down after my
hours dressing and perfuming and combing it like iron or some kind of a
thick crowbar standing all the time he must have eaten oysters I think
a few dozen he was in great singing voice no I never in all my life
felt anyone had one the size of that to make you feel full up he must
have eaten a whole sheep after whats the idea making us like that with
a big hole in the middle of us or like a Stallion driving it up into
you because thats all they want out of you with that determined vicious
look in his eye I had to halfshut my eyes still he hasnt such a
tremendous amount of spunk in him when I made him pull out and do it on
me considering how big it is so much the better in case any of it wasnt
washed out properly the last time I let him finish it in me nice
invention they made for women for him to get all the pleasure but if
someone gave them a touch of it themselves theyd know what I went
through with Milly nobody would believe cutting her teeth too and Mina
Purefoys husband give us a swing out of your whiskers filling her up
with a child or twins once a year as regular as the clock always with a
smell of children off her the one they called budgers or something like
a nigger with a shock of hair on it Jesusjack the child is a black the
last time I was there a squad of them falling over one another and
bawling you couldnt hear your ears supposed to be healthy not satisfied
till they have us swollen out like elephants or I dont know what
supposing I risked having another not off him though still if he was
married Im sure hed have a fine strong child but I dont know Poldy has
more spunk in him yes thatd be awfully jolly I suppose it was meeting
Josie Powell and the funeral and thinking about me and Boylan set him
off well he can think what he likes now if thatll do him any good I
know they were spooning a bit when I came on the scene he was dancing
and sitting out with her the night of Georgina Simpsons housewarming
and then he wanted to ram it down my neck it was on account of not
liking to see her a wallflower that was why we had the standup row over
politics he began it not me when he said about Our Lord being a
carpenter at last he made me cry of course a woman is so sensitive
about everything I was fuming with myself after for giving in only for
I knew he was gone on me and the first socialist he said He was he
annoyed me so much I couldnt put him into a temper still he knows a lot
of mixedup things especially about the body and the inside I often
wanted to study up that myself what we have inside us in that family
physician I could always hear his voice talking when the room was
crowded and watch him after that I pretended I had a coolness on with
her over him because he used to be a bit on the jealous side whenever
he asked who are you going to and I said over to Floey and he made me
the present of Byrons poems and the three pairs of gloves so that
finished that I could quite easily get him to make it up any time I
know how Id even supposing he got in with her again and was going out
to see her somewhere Id know if he refused to eat the onions I know
plenty of ways ask him to tuck down the collar of my blouse or touch
him with my veil and gloves on going out 1 kiss then would send them
all spinning however alright well see then let him go to her she of
course would only be too delighted to pretend shes mad in love with him
that I wouldnt so much mind Id just go to her and ask her do you love
him and look her square in the eyes she couldnt fool me but he might
imagine he was and make a declaration to her with his plabbery kind of
a manner like he did to me though I had the devils own job to get it
out of him though I liked him for that it showed he could hold in and
wasnt to be got for the asking he was on the pop of asking me too the
night in the kitchen I was rolling the potato cake theres something I
want to say to you only for I put him off letting on I was in a temper
with my hands and arms full of pasty flour in any case I let out too
much the night before talking of dreams so I didnt want to let him know
more than was good for him she used to be always embracing me Josie
whenever he was there meaning him of course glauming me over and when I
said I washed up and down as far as possible asking me and did you wash
possible the women are always egging on to that putting it on thick
when hes there they know by his sly eye blinking a bit putting on the
indifferent when they come out with something the kind he is what
spoils him I dont wonder in the least because he was very handsome at
that time trying to look like Lord Byron I said I liked though he was
too beautiful for a man and he was a little before we got engaged
afterwards though she didnt like it so much the day I was in fits of
laughing with the giggles I couldnt stop about all my hairpins falling
out one after another with the mass of hair I had youre always in great
humour she said yes because it grigged her because she knew what it
meant because I used to tell her a good bit of what went on between us
not all but just enough to make her mouth water but that wasnt my fault
she didnt darken the door much after we were married I wonder what shes
got like now after living with that dotty husband of hers she had her
face beginning to look drawn and run down the last time I saw her she
must have been just after a row with him because I saw on the moment
she was edging to draw down a conversation about husbands and talk
about him to run him down what was it she told me O yes that sometimes
he used to go to bed with his muddy boots on when the maggot takes him
just imagine having to get into bed with a thing like that that might
murder you any moment what a man well its not the one way everyone goes
mad Poldy anyhow whatever he does always wipes his feet on the mat when
he comes in wet or shine and always blacks his own boots too and he
always takes off his hat when he comes up in the street like then and
now hes going about in his slippers to look for £ 10000 for a postcard
U p up O sweetheart May wouldnt a thing like that simply bore you stiff
to extinction actually too stupid even to take his boots off now what
could you make of a man like that Id rather die 20 times over than
marry another of their sex of course hed never find another woman like
me to put up with him the way I do know me come sleep with me yes and
he knows that too at the bottom of his heart take that Mrs Maybrick
that poisoned her husband for what I wonder in love with some other man
yes it was found out on her wasnt she the downright villain to go and
do a thing like that of course some men can be dreadfully aggravating
drive you mad and always the worst word in the world what do they ask
us to marry them for if were so bad as all that comes to yes because
they cant get on without us white Arsenic she put in his tea off
flypaper wasnt it I wonder why they call it that if I asked him hed say
its from the Greek leave us as wise as we were before she must have
been madly in love with the other fellow to run the chance of being
hanged O she didnt care if that was her nature what could she do
besides theyre not brutes enough to go and hang a woman surely are they

theyre all so different Boylan talking about the shape of my foot he
noticed at once even before he was introduced when I was in the D B C
with Poldy laughing and trying to listen I was waggling my foot we both
ordered 2 teas and plain bread and butter I saw him looking with his
two old maids of sisters when I stood up and asked the girl where it
was what do I care with it dropping out of me and that black closed
breeches he made me buy takes you half an hour to let them down wetting
all myself always with some brandnew fad every other week such a long
one I did I forgot my suede gloves on the seat behind that I never got
after some robber of a woman and he wanted me to put it in the Irish
times lost in the ladies lavatory D B C Dame street finder return to
Mrs Marion Bloom and I saw his eyes on my feet going out through the
turning door he was looking when I looked back and I went there for tea
2 days after in the hope but he wasnt now how did that excite him
because I was crossing them when we were in the other room first he
meant the shoes that are too tight to walk in my hand is nice like that
if I only had a ring with the stone for my month a nice aquamarine Ill
stick him for one and a gold bracelet I dont like my foot so much still
I made him spend once with my foot the night after Goodwins botchup of
a concert so cold and windy it was well we had that rum in the house to
mull and the fire wasnt black out when he asked to take off my
stockings lying on the hearthrug in Lombard street west and another
time it was my muddy boots hed like me to walk in all the horses dung I
could find but of course hes not natural like the rest of the world
that I what did he say I could give 9 points in 10 to Katty Lanner and
beat her what does that mean I asked him I forget what he said because
the stoppress edition just passed and the man with the curly hair in
the Lucan dairy thats so polite I think I saw his face before somewhere
I noticed him when I was tasting the butter so I took my time Bartell
DArcy too that he used to make fun of when he commenced kissing me on
the choir stairs after I sang Gounods _Ave Maria_ what are we waiting
for O my heart kiss me straight on the brow and part which is my brown
part he was pretty hot for all his tinny voice too my low notes he was
always raving about if you can believe him I liked the way he used his
mouth singing then he said wasnt it terrible to do that there in a
place like that I dont see anything so terrible about it Ill tell him
about that some day not now and surprise him ay and Ill take him there
and show him the very place too we did it so now there you are like it
or lump it he thinks nothing can happen without him knowing he hadnt an
idea about my mother till we were engaged otherwise hed never have got
me so cheap as he did he was 10 times worse himself anyhow begging me
to give him a tiny bit cut off my drawers that was the evening coming
along Kenilworth square he kissed me in the eye of my glove and I had
to take it off asking me questions is it permitted to enquire the shape
of my bedroom so I let him keep it as if I forgot it to think of me
when I saw him slip it into his pocket of course hes mad on the subject
of drawers thats plain to be seen always skeezing at those brazenfaced
things on the bicycles with their skirts blowing up to their navels
even when Milly and I were out with him at the open air fete that one
in the cream muslin standing right against the sun so he could see
every atom she had on when he saw me from behind following in the rain
I saw him before he saw me however standing at the corner of the
Harolds cross road with a new raincoat on him with the muffler in the
Zingari colours to show off his complexion and the brown hat looking
slyboots as usual what was he doing there where hed no business they
can go and get whatever they like from anything at all with a skirt on
it and were not to ask any questions but they want to know where were
you where are you going I could feel him coming along skulking after me
his eyes on my neck he had been keeping away from the house he felt it
was getting too warm for him so I halfturned and stopped then he
pestered me to say yes till I took off my glove slowly watching him he
said my openwork sleeves were too cold for the rain anything for an
excuse to put his hand anear me drawers drawers the whole blessed time
till I promised to give him the pair off my doll to carry about in his
waistcoat pocket _O Maria Santisima_ he did look a big fool dreeping in
the rain splendid set of teeth he had made me hungry to look at them
and beseeched of me to lift the orange petticoat I had on with the
sunray pleats that there was nobody he said hed kneel down in the wet
if I didnt so persevering he would too and ruin his new raincoat you
never know what freak theyd take alone with you theyre so savage for it
if anyone was passing so I lifted them a bit and touched his trousers
outside the way I used to Gardner after with my ring hand to keep him
from doing worse where it was too public I was dying to find out was he
circumcised he was shaking like a jelly all over they want to do
everything too quick take all the pleasure out of it and father waiting
all the time for his dinner he told me to say I left my purse in the
butchers and had to go back for it what a Deceiver then he wrote me
that letter with all those words in it how could he have the face to
any woman after his company manners making it so awkward after when we
met asking me have I offended you with my eyelids down of course he saw
I wasnt he had a few brains not like that other fool Henny Doyle he was
always breaking or tearing something in the charades I hate an unlucky
man and if I knew what it meant of course I had to say no for form sake
dont understand you I said and wasnt it natural so it is of course it
used to be written up with a picture of a womans on that wall in
Gibraltar with that word I couldnt find anywhere only for children
seeing it too young then writing every morning a letter sometimes twice
a day I liked the way he made love then he knew the way to take a woman
when he sent me the 8 big poppies because mine was the 8th then I wrote
the night he kissed my heart at Dolphins barn I couldnt describe it
simply it makes you feel like nothing on earth but he never knew how to
embrace well like Gardner I hope hell come on Monday as he said at the
same time four I hate people who come at all hours answer the door you
think its the vegetables then its somebody and you all undressed or the
door of the filthy sloppy kitchen blows open the day old frostyface
Goodwin called about the concert in Lombard street and I just after
dinner all flushed and tossed with boiling old stew dont look at me
professor I had to say Im a fright yes but he was a real old gent in
his way it was impossible to be more respectful nobody to say youre out
you have to peep out through the blind like the messengerboy today I
thought it was a putoff first him sending the port and the peaches
first and I was just beginning to yawn with nerves thinking he was
trying to make a fool of me when I knew his tattarrattat at the door he
must have been a bit late because it was 1/4 after 3 when I saw the 2
Dedalus girls coming from school I never know the time even that watch
he gave me never seems to go properly Id want to get it looked after
when I threw the penny to that lame sailor for England home and beauty
when I was whistling there is a charming girl I love and I hadnt even
put on my clean shift or powdered myself or a thing then this day week
were to go to Belfast just as well he has to go to Ennis his fathers
anniversary the 27th it wouldnt be pleasant if he did suppose our rooms
at the hotel were beside each other and any fooling went on in the new
bed I couldnt tell him to stop and not bother me with him in the next
room or perhaps some protestant clergyman with a cough knocking on the
wall then hed never believe the next day we didnt do something its all
very well a husband but you cant fool a lover after me telling him we
never did anything of course he didnt believe me no its better hes
going where he is besides something always happens with him the time
going to the Mallow concert at Maryborough ordering boiling soup for
the two of us then the bell rang out he walks down the platform with
the soup splashing about taking spoonfuls of it hadnt he the nerve and
the waiter after him making a holy show of us screeching and confusion
for the engine to start but he wouldnt pay till he finished it the two
gentlemen in the 3rd class carriage said he was quite right so he was
too hes so pigheaded sometimes when he gets a thing into his head a
good job he was able to open the carriage door with his knife or theyd
have taken us on to Cork I suppose that was done out of revenge on him
O I love jaunting in a train or a car with lovely soft cushions I
wonder will he take a 1st class for me he might want to do it in the
train by tipping the guard well O I suppose therell be the usual idiots
of men gaping at us with their eyes as stupid as ever they can possibly
be that was an exceptional man that common workman that left us alone
in the carriage that day going to Howth Id like to find out something
about him 1 or 2 tunnels perhaps then you have to look out of the
window all the nicer then coming back suppose I never came back what
would they say eloped with him that gets you on on the stage the last
concert I sang at where its over a year ago when was it St Teresas hall
Clarendon St little chits of missies they have now singing Kathleen
Kearney and her like on account of father being in the army and my
singing the absentminded beggar and wearing a brooch for Lord Roberts
when I had the map of it all and Poldy not Irish enough was it him
managed it this time I wouldnt put it past him like he got me on to
sing in the _Stabat Mater_ by going around saying he was putting Lead
Kindly Light to music I put him up to that till the jesuits found out
he was a freemason thumping the piano lead Thou me on copied from some
old opera yes and he was going about with some of them Sinner Fein
lately or whatever they call themselves talking his usual trash and
nonsense he says that little man he showed me without the neck is very
intelligent the coming man Griffiths is he well he doesnt look it thats
all I can say still it must have been him he knew there was a boycott I
hate the mention of their politics after the war that Pretoria and
Ladysmith and Bloemfontein where Gardner lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd
East Lancs Rgt of enteric fever he was a lovely fellow in khaki and
just the right height over me Im sure he was brave too he said I was
lovely the evening we kissed goodbye at the canal lock my Irish beauty
he was pale with excitement about going away or wed be seen from the
road he couldnt stand properly and I so hot as I never felt they could
have made their peace in the beginning or old oom Paul and the rest of
the other old Krugers go and fight it out between them instead of
dragging on for years killing any finelooking men there were with their
fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have been so bad I love
to see a regiment pass in review the first time I saw the Spanish
cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking across the bay from
Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those sham
battles on the 15 acres the Black Watch with their kilts in time at the
march past the 10th hussars the prince of Wales own or the lancers O
the lancers theyre grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his father made
his money over selling the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me
a nice present up in Belfast after what I gave him theyve lovely linen
up there or one of those nice kimono things I must buy a mothball like
I had before to keep in the drawer with them it would be exciting going
round with him shopping buying those things in a new city better leave
this ring behind want to keep turning and turning to get it over the
knuckle there or they might bell it round the town in their papers or
tell the police on me but theyd think were married O let them all go
and smother themselves for the fat lot I care he has plenty of money
and hes not a marrying man so somebody better get it out of him if I
could find out whether he likes me I looked a bit washy of course when
I looked close in the handglass powdering a mirror never gives you the
expression besides scrooching down on me like that all the time with
his big hipbones hes heavy too with his hairy chest for this heat
always having to lie down for them better for him put it into me from
behind the way Mrs Mastiansky told me her husband made her like the
dogs do it and stick out her tongue as far as ever she could and he so
quiet and mild with his tingating cither can you ever be up to men the
way it takes them lovely stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish
tie and socks with the skyblue silk things on them hes certainly
welloff I know by the cut his clothes have and his heavy watch but he
was like a perfect devil for a few minutes after he came back with the
stoppress tearing up the tickets and swearing blazes because he lost 20
quid he said he lost over that outsider that won and half he put on for
me on account of Lenehans tip cursing him to the lowest pits that
sponger he was making free with me after the Glencree dinner coming
back that long joult over the featherbed mountain after the lord Mayor
looking at me with his dirty eyes Val Dillon that big heathen I first
noticed him at dessert when I was cracking the nuts with my teeth I
wished I could have picked every morsel of that chicken out of my
fingers it was so tasty and browned and as tender as anything only for
I didnt want to eat everything on my plate those forks and fishslicers
were hallmarked silver too I wish I had some I could easily have
slipped a couple into my muff when I was playing with them then always
hanging out of them for money in a restaurant for the bit you put down
your throat we have to be thankful for our mangy cup of tea itself as a
great compliment to be noticed the way the world is divided in any case
if its going to go on I want at least two other good chemises for one
thing and but I dont know what kind of drawers he likes none at all I
think didnt he say yes and half the girls in Gibraltar never wore them
either naked as God made them that Andalusian singing her Manola she
didnt make much secret of what she hadnt yes and the second pair of
silkette stockings is laddered after one days wear I could have brought
them back to Lewers this morning and kicked up a row and made that one
change them only not to upset myself and run the risk of walking into
him and ruining the whole thing and one of those kidfitting corsets Id
want advertised cheap in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips
he saved the one I have but thats no good what did they say they give a
delightful figure line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance
across the lower back to reduce flesh my belly is a bit too big Ill
have to knock off the stout at dinner or am I getting too fond of it
the last they sent from ORourkes was as flat as a pancake he makes his
money easy Larry they call him the old mangy parcel he sent at Xmas a
cottage cake and a bottle of hogwash he tried to palm off as claret
that he couldnt get anyone to drink God spare his spit for fear hed die
of the drouth or I must do a few breathing exercises I wonder is that
antifat any good might overdo it the thin ones are not so much the
fashion now garters that much I have the violet pair I wore today thats
all he bought me out of the cheque he got on the first O no there was
the face lotion I finished the last of yesterday that made my skin like
new I told him over and over again get that made up in the same place
and dont forget it God only knows whether he did after all I said to
him Ill know by the bottle anyway if not I suppose Ill only have to
wash in my piss like beeftea or chickensoup with some of that opoponax
and violet I thought it was beginning to look coarse or old a bit the
skin underneath is much finer where it peeled off there on my finger
after the burn its a pity it isnt all like that and the four paltry
handkerchiefs about 6/- in all sure you cant get on in this world
without style all going in food and rent when I get it Ill lash it
around I tell you in fine style I always want to throw a handful of tea
into the pot measuring and mincing if I buy a pair of old brogues
itself do you like those new shoes yes were they Ive no clothes at all
the brown costume and the skirt and jacket and the one at the cleaners
3 whats that for any woman cutting up this old hat and patching up the
other the men wont look at you and women try to walk on you because
they know youve no man then with all the things getting dearer every
day for the 4 years more I have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all
Ill be 33 in September will I what O well look at that Mrs Galbraith
shes much older than me I saw her when I was out last week her beautys
on the wane she was a lovely woman magnificent head of hair on her down
to her waist tossing it back like that like Kitty OShea in Grantham
street 1st thing I did every morning to look across see her combing it
as if she loved it and was full of it pity I only got to know her the
day before we left and that Mrs Langtry the jersey lily the prince of
Wales was in love with I suppose hes like the first man going the roads
only for the name of a king theyre all made the one way only a black
mans Id like to try a beauty up to what was she 45 there was some funny
story about the jealous old husband what was it at all and an oyster
knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing round her and
the prince of Wales yes he had the oyster knife cant be true a thing
like that like some of those books he brings me the works of Master
Francois Somebody supposed to be a priest about a child born out of her
ear because her bumgut fell out a nice word for any priest to write and
her a-e as if any fool wouldnt know what that meant I hate that
pretending of all things with that old blackguards face on him anybody
can see its not true and that Ruby and Fair Tyrants he brought me that
twice I remember when I came to page 50 the part about where she hangs
him up out of a hook with a cord flagellate sure theres nothing for a
woman in that all invention made up about he drinking the champagne out
of her slipper after the ball was over like the infant Jesus in the
crib at Inchicore in the Blessed Virgins arms sure no woman could have
a child that big taken out of her and I thought first it came out of
her side because how could she go to the chamber when she wanted to and
she a rich lady of course she felt honoured H R H he was in Gibraltar
the year I was born I bet he found lilies there too where he planted
the tree he planted more than that in his time he might have planted me
too if hed come a bit sooner then I wouldnt be here as I am he ought to
chuck that Freeman with the paltry few shillings he knocks out of it
and go into an office or something where hed get regular pay or a bank
where they could put him up on a throne to count the money all the day
of course he prefers plottering about the house so you cant stir with
him any side whats your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe
like father to get the smell of a man or pretending to be mooching
about for advertisements when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still
only for what he did then sending me to try and patch it up I could
have got him promoted there to be the manager he gave me a great mirada
once or twice first he was as stiff as the mischief really and truly
Mrs Bloom only I felt rotten simply with the old rubbishy dress that I
lost the leads out of the tails with no cut in it but theyre coming
into fashion again I bought it simply to please him I knew it was no
good by the finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Burns as
I said and not Lees it was just like the shop itself rummage sale a lot
of trash I hate those rich shops get on your nerves nothing kills me
altogether only he thinks he knows a great lot about a womans dress and
cooking mathering everything he can scour off the shelves into it if I
went by his advices every blessed hat I put on does that suit me yes
take that thats alright the one like a weddingcake standing up miles
off my head he said suited me or the dishcover one coming down on my
backside on pins and needles about the shopgirl in that place in
Grafton street I had the misfortune to bring him into and she as
insolent as ever she could be with her smirk saying Im afraid were
giving you too much trouble what shes there for but I stared it out of
her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder but he changed the second
time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the soup but I could see
him looking very hard at my chest when he stood up to open the door for
me it was nice of him to show me out in any case Im extremely sorry Mrs
Bloom believe me without making it too marked the first time after him
being insulted and me being supposed to be his wife I just half smiled
I know my chest was out that way at the door when he said Im extremely
sorry and Im sure you were

yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long he
made me thirsty titties he calls them I had to laugh yes this one
anyhow stiff the nipple gets for the least thing Ill get him to keep
that up and Ill take those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out
for him what are all those veins and things curious the way its made 2
the same in case of twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up
there like those statues in the museum one of them pretending to hide
it with her hand are they so beautiful of course compared with what a
man looks like with his two bags full and his other thing hanging down
out of him or sticking up at you like a hatrack no wonder they hide it
with a cabbageleaf that disgusting Cameron highlander behind the meat
market or that other wretch with the red head behind the tree where the
statue of the fish used to be when I was passing pretending he was
pissing standing out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one
side the Queens own they were a nice lot its well the Surreys relieved
them theyre always trying to show it to you every time nearly I passed
outside the mens greenhouse near the Harcourt street station just to
try some fellow or other trying to catch my eye as if it was 1 of the 7
wonders of the world O and the stink of those rotten places the night
coming home with Poldy after the Comerfords party oranges and lemonade
to make you feel nice and watery I went into 1 of them it was so biting
cold I couldnt keep it when was that 93 the canal was frozen yes it was
a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent there to see
me squatting in the mens place meadero I tried to draw a picture of it
before I tore it up like a sausage or something I wonder theyre not
afraid going about of getting a kick or a bang of something there the
woman is beauty of course thats admitted when he said I could pose for
a picture naked to some rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the
job in Helys and I was selling the clothes and strumming in the coffee
palace would I be like that bath of the nymph with my hair down yes
only shes younger or Im a little like that dirty bitch in that Spanish
photo he has nymphs used they go about like that I asked him about her
and that word met something with hoses in it and he came out with some
jawbreakers about the incarnation he never can explain a thing simply
the way a body can understand then he goes and burns the bottom out of
the pan all for his Kidney this one not so much theres the mark of his
teeth still where he tried to bite the nipple I had to scream out arent
they fearful trying to hurt you I had a great breast of milk with Milly
enough for two what was the reason of that he said I could have got a
pound a week as a wet nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate
looking student that stopped in no 28 with the Citrons Penrose nearly
caught me washing through the window only for I snapped up the towel to
my face that was his studenting hurt me they used to weaning her till
he got doctor Brady to give me the belladonna prescription I had to get
him to suck them they were so hard he said it was sweeter and thicker
than cows then he wanted to milk me into the tea well hes beyond
everything I declare somebody ought to put him in the budget if I only
could remember the one half of the things and write a book out of it
the works of Master Poldy yes and its so much smoother the skin much an
hour he was at them Im sure by the clock like some kind of a big infant
I had at me they want everything in their mouth all the pleasure those
men get out of a woman I can feel his mouth O Lord I must stretch
myself I wished he was here or somebody to let myself go with and come
again like that I feel all fire inside me or if I could dream it when
he made me spend the 2nd time tickling me behind with his finger I was
coming for about 5 minutes with my legs round him I had to hug him
after O Lord I wanted to shout out all sorts of things fuck or shit or
anything at all only not to look ugly or those lines from the strain
who knows the way hed take it you want to feel your way with a man
theyre not all like him thank God some of them want you to be so nice
about it I noticed the contrast he does it and doesnt talk I gave my
eyes that look with my hair a bit loose from the tumbling and my tongue
between my lips up to him the savage brute Thursday Friday one Saturday
two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till Monday

frseeeeeeeefronnnng train somewhere whistling the strength those
engines have in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and
out of them all sides like the end of Loves old sweeeetsonnnng the poor
men that have to be out all the night from their wives and families in
those roasting engines stifling it was today Im glad I burned the half
of those old Freemans and Photo Bits leaving things like that lying
about hes getting very careless and threw the rest of them up in the W
C I'll get him to cut them tomorrow for me instead of having them there
for the next year to get a few pence for them have him asking wheres
last Januarys paper and all those old overcoats I bundled out of the
hall making the place hotter than it is that rain was lovely and
refreshing just after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get
like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter came on
black as night and the glare of the rock standing up in it like a big
giant compared with their 3 Rock mountain they think is so great with
the red sentries here and there the poplars and they all whitehot and
the smell of the rainwater in those tanks watching the sun all the time
weltering down on you faded all that lovely frock fathers friend Mrs
Stanhope sent me from the B Marche paris what a shame my dearest
Doggerina she wrote on it she was very nice whats this her other name
was just a p c to tell you I sent the little present have just had a
jolly warm bath and feel a very clean dog now enjoyed it wogger she
called him wogger wd give anything to be back in Gib and hear you sing
Waiting and in old Madrid Concone is the name of those exercises he
bought me one of those new some word I couldnt make out shawls amusing
things but tear for the least thing still there lovely I think dont you
will always think of the lovely teas we had together scrumptious
currant scones and raspberry wafers I adore well now dearest Doggerina
be sure and write soon kind she left out regards to your father also
Captain Grove with love yrs affly Hester x x x x x she didnt look a bit
married just like a girl he was years older than her wogger he was
awfully fond of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to
step over at the bullfight at La Linea when that matador Gomez was
given the bulls ear these clothes we have to wear whoever invented them
expecting you to walk up Killiney hill then for example at that picnic
all staysed up you cant do a blessed thing in them in a crowd run or
jump out of the way thats why I was afraid when that other ferocious
old Bull began to charge the banderilleros with the sashes and the 2
things in their hats and the brutes of men shouting bravo toro sure the
women were as bad in their nice white mantillas ripping all the whole
insides out of those poor horses I never heard of such a thing in all
my life yes he used to break his heart at me taking off the dog barking
in bell lane poor brute and it sick what became of them ever I suppose
theyre dead long ago the 2 of them its like all through a mist makes
you feel so old I made the scones of course I had everything all to
myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair mine was thicker
than hers she showed me how to settle it at the back when I put it up
and whats this else how to make a knot on a thread with the one hand we
were like cousins what age was I then the night of the storm I slept in
her bed she had her arms round me then we were fighting in the morning
with the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an
opportunity at the band on the Alameda esplanade when I was with father
and Captain Grove I looked up at the church first and then at the
windows then down and our eyes met I felt something go through me like
all needles my eyes were dancing I remember after when I looked at
myself in the glass hardly recognised myself the change he was
attractive to a girl in spite of his being a little bald intelligent
looking disappointed and gay at the same time he was like Thomas in the
shadow of Ashlydyat I had a splendid skin from the sun and the
excitement like a rose I didnt get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been
nice on account of her but I could have stopped it in time she gave me
the Moonstone to read that was the first I read of Wilkie Collins East
Lynne I read and the shadow of Ashlydyat Mrs Henry Wood Henry Dunbar by
that other woman I lent him afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as
he see I wasnt without and Lord Lytton Eugene Aram Molly bawn she gave
me by Mrs Hungerford on account of the name I dont like books with a
Molly in them like that one he brought me about the one from Flanders a
whore always shoplifting anything she could cloth and stuff and yards
of it O this blanket is too heavy on me thats better I havent even one
decent nightdress this thing gets all rolled under me besides him and
his fooling thats better I used to be weltering then in the heat my
shift drenched with the sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom on the
chair when I stood up they were so fattish and firm when I got up on
the sofa cushions to see with my clothes up and the bugs tons of them
at night and the mosquito nets I couldnt read a line Lord how long ago
it seems centuries of course they never came back and she didnt put her
address right on it either she may have noticed her wogger people were
always going away and we never I remember that day with the waves and
the boats with their high heads rocking and the smell of ship those
Officers uniforms on shore leave made me seasick he didnt say anything
he was very serious I had the high buttoned boots on and my skirt was
blowing she kissed me six or seven times didnt I cry yes I believe I
did or near it my lips were taittering when I said goodbye she had a
Gorgeous wrap of some special kind of blue colour on her for the voyage
made very peculiarly to one side like and it was extremely pretty it
got as dull as the devil after they went I was almost planning to run
away mad out of it somewhere were never easy where we are father or
aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide him toooo me
waiting nor speeeed his flying feet their damn guns bursting and
booming all over the shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing
everything down in all directions if you didnt open the windows when
general Ulysses Grant whoever he was or did supposed to be some great
fellow landed off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was there
from before the flood dressed up poor man and he in mourning for the
son then the same old bugles for reveille in the morning and drums
rolling and the unfortunate poor devils of soldiers walking about with
messtins smelling the place more than the old longbearded jews in their
jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and gunfire for the men
to cross the lines and the warden marching with his keys to lock the
gates and the bagpipes and only captain Groves and father talking about
Rorkes drift and Plevna and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at Khartoum
lighting their pipes for them everytime they went out drunken old devil
with his grog on the windowsill catch him leaving any of it picking his
nose trying to think of some other dirty story to tell up in a corner
but he never forgot himself when I was there sending me out of the room
on some blind excuse paying his compliments the Bushmills whisky
talking of course but hed do the same to the next woman that came along
I suppose he died of galloping drink ages ago the days like years not a
letter from a living soul except the odd few I posted to myself with
bits of paper in them so bored sometimes I could fight with my nails
listening to that old Arab with the one eye and his heass of an
instrument singing his heah heah aheah all my compriment on your
hotchapotch of your heass as bad as now with the hands hanging off me
looking out of the window if there was a nice fellow even in the
opposite house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after when I
put on my gloves and hat at the window to show I was going out not a
notion what I meant arent they thick never understand what you say even
youd want to print it up on a big poster for them not even if you shake
hands twice with the left he didnt recognise me either when I half
frowned at him outside Westland row chapel where does their great
intelligence come in Id like to know grey matter they have it all in
their tail if you ask me those country gougers up in the City Arms
intelligence they had a damn sight less than the bulls and cows they
were selling the meat and the coalmans bell that noisy bugger trying to
swindle me with the wrong bill he took out of his hat what a pair of
paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken bottles for a
poor man today and no visitors or post ever except his cheques or some
advertisement like that wonderworker they sent him addressed dear Madam
only his letter and the card from Milly this morning see she wrote a
letter to him who did I get the last letter from O Mrs Dwenn now what
possessed her to write from Canada after so many years to know the
recipe I had for pisto madrileno Floey Dillon since she wrote to say
she was married to a very rich architect if Im to believe all I hear
with a villa and eight rooms her father was an awfully nice man he was
near seventy always goodhumoured well now Miss Tweedy or Miss Gillespie
theres the piannyer that was a solid silver coffee service he had too
on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far away I hate people that
have always their poor story to tell everybody has their own troubles
that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute neumonia well I didnt
know her so well as all that she was Floeys friend more than mine poor
Nancy its a bother having to answer he always tells me the wrong things
and no stops to say like making a speech your sad bereavement
symph̸athy I always make that mistake and new̸phew with 2 double yous
in I hope hell write me a longer letter the next time if its a thing he
really likes me O thanks be to the great God I got somebody to give me
what I badly wanted to put some heart up into me youve no chances at
all in this place like you used long ago I wish somebody would write me
a loveletter his wasnt much and I told him he could write what he liked
yours ever Hugh Boylan in old Madrid stuff silly women believe love is
sighing I am dying still if he wrote it I suppose thered be some truth
in it true or no it fills up your whole day and life always something
to think about every moment and see it all round you like a new world I
could write the answer in bed to let him imagine me short just a few
words not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon used to write to the
fellow that was something in the four courts that jilted her after out
of the ladies letterwriter when I told her to say a few simple words he
could twist how he liked not acting with precipat precipitancy with
equal candour the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans
proposal affirmatively my goodness theres nothing else its all very
fine for them but as for being a woman as soon as youre old they might
as well throw you out in the bottom of the ashpit.

Mulveys was the first when I was in bed that morning and Mrs Rubio
brought it in with the coffee she stood there standing when I asked her
to hand me and I pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin
to open it with ah horquilla disobliging old thing and it staring her
in the face with her switch of false hair on her and vain about her
appearance ugly as she was near 80 or a 100 her face a mass of wrinkles
with all her religion domineering because she never could get over the
Atlantic fleet coming in half the ships of the world and the Union Jack
flying with all her carabineros because 4 drunken English sailors took
all the rock from them and because I didnt run into mass often enough
in Santa Maria to please her with her shawl up on her except when there
was a marriage on with all her miracles of the saints and her black
blessed virgin with the silver dress and the sun dancing 3 times on
Easter Sunday morning and when the priest was going by with the bell
bringing the vatican to the dying blessing herself for his Majestad an
admirer he signed it I near jumped out of my skin I wanted to pick him
up when I saw him following me along the Calle Real in the shop window
then he tipped me just in passing but I never thought hed write making
an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it
up in every hole and corner while father was up at the drill
instructing to find out by the handwriting or the language of stamps
singing I remember shall I wear a white rose and I wanted to put on the
old stupid clock to near the time he was the first man kissed me under
the Moorish wall my sweetheart when a boy it never entered my head what
kissing meant till he put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was
sweetlike young I put my knee up to him a few times to learn the way
what did I tell him I was engaged for for fun to the son of a Spanish
nobleman named Don Miguel de la Flora and he believed me that I was to
be married to him in 3 years time theres many a true word spoken in
jest there is a flower that bloometh a few things I told him true about
myself just for him to be imagining the Spanish girls he didnt like I
suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got him excited he crushed all
the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldnt count the pesetas and
the perragordas till I taught him Cappoquin he came from he said on the
black water but it was too short then the day before he left May yes it
was May when the infant king of Spain was born Im always like that in
the spring Id like a new fellow every year up on the tiptop under the
rockgun near OHaras tower I told him it was struck by lightning and all
about the old Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a tail
careering all over the show on each others back Mrs Rubio said she was
a regular old rock scorpion robbing the chickens out of Inces farm and
throw stones at you if you went anear he was looking at me I had that
white blouse on open in the front to encourage him as much as I could
without too openly they were just beginning to be plump I said I was
tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place I suppose it must be
the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates and those
frightful rocks and Saint Michaels cave with the icicles or whatever
they call them hanging down and ladders all the mud plotching my boots
Im sure thats the way down the monkeys go under the sea to Africa when
they die the ships out far like chips that was the Malta boat passing
yes the sea and the sky you could do what you liked lie there for ever
he caressed them outside they love doing that its the roundness there I
was leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat to take the newness
out of it the left side of my face the best my blouse open for his last
day transparent kind of shirt he had I could see his chest pink he
wanted to touch mine with his for a moment but I wouldnt let him he was
awfully put out first for fear you never know consumption or leave me
with a child embarazada that old servant Ines told me that one drop
even if it got into you at all after I tried with the Banana but I was
afraid it might break and get lost up in me somewhere because they once
took something down out of a woman that was up there for years covered
with limesalts theyre all mad to get in there where they come out of
youd think they could never go far enough up and then theyre done with
you in a way till the next time yes because theres a wonderful feeling
there so tender all the time how did we finish it off yes O yes I
pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not to be excited but I
opened my legs I wouldnt let him touch me inside my petticoat because I
had a skirt opening up the side I tormented the life out of him first
tickling him I loved rousing that dog in the hotel rrrsssstt
awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was shy all the
same I liked him like that moaning I made him blush a little when I got
over him that way when I unbuttoned him and took his out and drew back
the skin it had a kind of eye in it theyre all Buttons men down the
middle on the wrong side of them Molly darling he called me what was
his name Jack Joe Harry Mulvey was it yes I think a lieutenant he was
rather fair he had a laughing kind of a voice so I went round to the
whatyoucallit everything was whatyoucallit moustache had he he said hed
come back Lord its just like yesterday to me and if I was married hed
do it to me and I promised him yes faithfully Id let him block me now
flying perhaps hes dead or killed or a captain or admiral its nearly 20
years if I said firtree cove he would if he came up behind me and put
his hands over my eyes to guess who I might recognise him hes young
still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl on the black water and is
quite changed they all do they havent half the character a woman has
she little knows what I did with her beloved husband before he ever
dreamt of her in broad daylight too in the sight of the whole world you
might say they could have put an article about it in the Chronicle I
was a bit wild after when I blew out the old bag the biscuits were in
from Benady Bros and exploded it Lord what a bang all the woodcocks and
pigeons screaming coming back the same way that we went over middle
hill round by the old guardhouse and the jews burialplace pretending to
read out the Hebrew on them I wanted to fire his pistol he said he
hadnt one he didnt know what to make of me with his peak cap on that he
always wore crooked as often as I settled it straight H M S Calypso
swinging my hat that old Bishop that spoke off the altar his long
preach about womans higher functions about girls now riding the bicycle
and wearing peak caps and the new woman bloomers God send him sense and
me more money I suppose theyre called after him I never thought that
would be my name Bloom when I used to write it in print to see how it
looked on a visiting card or practising for the butcher and oblige M
Bloom youre looking blooming Josie used to say after I married him well
its better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those awful names with
bottom in them Mrs Ramsbottom or some other kind of a bottom Mulvey I
wouldnt go mad about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs Boylan my
mother whoever she was might have given me a nicer name the Lord knows
after the lovely one she had Lunita Laredo the fun we had running along
Williss road to Europa point twisting in and out all round the other
side of Jersey they were shaking and dancing about in my blouse like
Millys little ones now when she runs up the stairs I loved looking down
at them I was jumping up at the pepper trees and the white poplars
pulling the leaves off and throwing them at him he went to India he was
to write the voyages those men have to make to the ends of the world
and back its the least they might get a squeeze or two at a woman while
they can going out to be drowned or blown up somewhere I went up
Windmill hill to the flats that Sunday morning with captain Rubios that
was dead spyglass like the sentry had he said hed have one or two from
on board I wore that frock from the B Marche paris and the coral
necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco almost the bay
of Tangier white and the Atlas mountain with snow on it and the straits
like a river so clear Harry Molly darling I was thinking of him on the
sea all the time after at mass when my petticoat began to slip down at
the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow
for the smell of him there was no decent perfume to be got in that
Gibraltar only that cheap peau dEspagne that faded and left a stink on
you more than anything else I wanted to give him a memento he gave me
that clumsy Claddagh ring for luck that I gave Gardner going to south
Africa where those Boers killed him with their war and fever but they
were well beaten all the same as if it brought its bad luck with it
like an opal or pearl still it must have been pure 18 carrot gold
because it was very heavy but what could you get in a place like that
the sandfrog shower from Africa and that derelict ship that came up to
the harbour Marie the Marie whatyoucallit no he hadnt a moustache that
was Gardner yes I can see his face cleanshaven
Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping tone once in the
dear deaead days beyondre call close my eyes breath my lips forward
kiss sad look eyes open piano ere oer the world the mists began I hate
that istsbeg comes loves sweet sooooooooooong Ill let that out full
when I get in front of the footlights again Kathleen Kearney and her
lot of squealers Miss This Miss That Miss Theother lot of sparrowfarts
skitting around talking about politics they know as much about as my
backside anything in the world to make themselves someway interesting
Irish homemade beauties soldiers daughter am I ay and whose are you
bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon coach I thought you were a
wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if ever they got a
chance of walking down the Alameda on an officers arm like me on the
bandnight my eyes flash my bust that they havent passion God help their
poor head I knew more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all
know at 50 they dont know how to sing a song like that Gardner said no
man could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that and not think of
it I was afraid he mightnt like my accent first he so English all
father left me in spite of his stamps Ive my mothers eyes and figure
anyhow he always said theyre so snotty about themselves some of those
cads he wasnt a bit like that he was dead gone on my lips let them get
a husband first thats fit to be looked at and a daughter like mine or
see if they can excite a swell with money that can pick and choose
whoever he wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5 times locked in each
others arms or the voice either I could have been a prima donna only I
married him comes looooves old deep down chin back not too much make it
double My Ladys Bower is too long for an encore about the moated grange
at twilight and vaunted rooms yes Ill sing Winds that blow from the
south that he gave after the choirstairs performance Ill change that
lace on my black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get
that big fan mended make them burst with envy my hole is itching me
always when I think of him I feel I want to I feel some wind in me
better go easy not wake him have him at it again slobbering after
washing every bit of myself back belly and sides if we had even a bath
itself or my own room anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed by himself
with his cold feet on me give us room even to let a fart God or do the
least thing better yes hold them like that a bit on my side piano
quietly sweeeee theres that train far away pianissimo eeeee one more
song

that was a relief wherever you be let your wind go free who knows if
that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was quite good with the
heat I couldnt smell anything off it Im sure that queerlooking man in
the porkbutchers is a great rogue I hope that lamp is not smoking fill
my nose up with smuts better than having him leaving the gas on all
night I couldnt rest easy in my bed in Gibraltar even getting up to see
why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter
its more company O Lord it was rotten cold too that winter when I was
only about ten was I yes I had the big doll with all the funny clothes
dressing her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those
mountains the something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with
the little bit of a short shift I had up to heat myself I loved dancing
about in it then make a race back into bed Im sure that fellow opposite
used to be there the whole time watching with the lights out in the
summer and I in my skin hopping around I used to love myself then
stripped at the washstand dabbing and creaming only when it came to the
chamber performance I put out the light too so then there were 2 of us
goodbye to my sleep for this night anyhow I hope hes not going to get
in with those medicals leading him astray to imagine hes young again
coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more still he had the
manners not to wake me what do they find to gabber about all night
squandering money and getting drunker and drunker couldnt they drink
water then he starts giving us his orders for eggs and tea and Findon
haddy and hot buttered toast I suppose well have him sitting up like
the king of the country pumping the wrong end of the spoon up and down
in his egg wherever he learned that from and I love to hear him falling
up the stairs of a morning with the cups rattling on the tray and then
play with the cat she rubs up against you for her own sake I wonder has
she fleas shes as bad as a woman always licking and lecking but I hate
their claws I wonder do they see anything that we cant staring like
that when she sits at the top of the stairs so long and listening as I
wait always what a robber too that lovely fresh plaice I bought I think
Ill get a bit of fish tomorrow or today is it Friday yes I will with
some blancmange with black currant jam like long ago not those 2 lb
pots of mixed plum and apple from the London and Newcastle Williams and
Woods goes twice as far only for the bones I hate those eels cod yes
Ill get a nice piece of cod Im always getting enough for 3 forgetting
anyway Im sick of that everlasting butchers meat from Buckleys loin
chops and leg beef and rib steak and scrag of mutton and calfs pluck
the very name is enough or a picnic suppose we all gave 5/- each and or
let him pay it and invite some other woman for him who Mrs Fleming and
drove out to the furry glen or the strawberry beds wed have him
examining all the horses toenails first like he does with the letters
no not with Boylan there yes with some cold veal and ham mixed
sandwiches there are little houses down at the bottom of the banks
there on purpose but its as hot as blazes he says not a bank holiday
anyhow I hate those ruck of Mary Ann coalboxes out for the day Whit
Monday is a cursed day too no wonder that bee bit him better the
seaside but Id never again in this life get into a boat with him after
him at Bray telling the boatman he knew how to row if anyone asked
could he ride the steeplechase for the gold cup hed say yes then it
came on to get rough the old thing crookeding about and the weight all
down my side telling me pull the right reins now pull the left and the
tide all swamping in floods in through the bottom and his oar slipping
out of the stirrup its a mercy we werent all drowned he can swim of
course me no theres no danger whatsoever keep yourself calm in his
flannel trousers Id like to have tattered them down off him before all
the people and give him what that one calls flagellate till he was
black and blue do him all the good in the world only for that longnosed
chap I dont know who he is with that other beauty Burke out of the City
Arms hotel was there spying around as usual on the slip always where he
wasnt wanted if there was a row on youd vomit a better face there was
no love lost between us thats 1 consolation I wonder what kind is that
book he brought me Sweets of Sin by a gentleman of fashion some other
Mr de Kock I suppose the people gave him that nickname going about with
his tube from one woman to another I couldnt even change my new white
shoes all ruined with the saltwater and the hat I had with that feather
all blowy and tossed on me how annoying and provoking because the smell
of the sea excited me of course the sardines and the bream in Catalan
bay round the back of the rock they were fine all silver in the
fishermens baskets old Luigi near a hundred they said came from Genoa
and the tall old chap with the earrings I dont like a man you have to
climb up to to get at I suppose theyre all dead and rotten long ago
besides I dont like being alone in this big barracks of a place at
night I suppose Ill have to put up with it I never brought a bit of
salt in even when we moved in the confusion musical academy he was
going to make on the first floor drawingroom with a brassplate or
Blooms private hotel he suggested go and ruin himself altogether the
way his father did down in Ennis like all the things he told father he
was going to do and me but I saw through him telling me all the lovely
places we could go for the honeymoon Venice by moonlight with the
gondolas and the lake of Como he had a picture cut out of some paper of
and mandolines and lanterns O how nice I said whatever I liked he was
going to do immediately if not sooner will you be my man will you carry
my can he ought to get a leather medal with a putty rim for all the
plans he invents then leaving us here all day youd never know what old
beggar at the door for a crust with his long story might be a tramp and
put his foot in the way to prevent me shutting it like that picture of
that hardened criminal he was called in Lloyds Weekly news 20 years in
jail then he comes out and murders an old woman for her money imagine
his poor wife or mother or whoever she is such a face youd run miles
away from I couldnt rest easy till I bolted all the doors and windows
to make sure but its worse again being locked up like in a prison or a
madhouse they ought to be all shot or the cat of nine tails a big brute
like that that would attack a poor old woman to murder her in her bed
Id cut them off him so I would not that hed be much use still better
than nothing the night I was sure I heard burglars in the kitchen and
he went down in his shirt with a candle and a poker as if he was
looking for a mouse as white as a sheet frightened out of his wits
making as much noise as he possibly could for the burglars benefit
there isnt much to steal indeed the Lord knows still its the feeling
especially now with Milly away such an idea for him to send the girl
down there to learn to take photographs on account of his grandfather
instead of sending her to Skerrys academy where shed have to learn not
like me getting all at school only hed do a thing like that all the
same on account of me and Boylan thats why he did it Im certain the way
he plots and plans everything out I couldnt turn round with her in the
place lately unless I bolted the door first gave me the fidgets coming
in without knocking first when I put the chair against the door just as
I was washing myself there below with the glove get on your nerves then
doing the loglady all day put her in a glasscase with two at a time to
look at her if he knew she broke off the hand off that little gimcrack
statue with her roughness and carelessness before she left that I got
that little Italian boy to mend so that you cant see the join for 2
shillings wouldnt even teem the potatoes for you of course shes right
not to ruin her hands I noticed he was always talking to her lately at
the table explaining things in the paper and she pretending to
understand sly of course that comes from his side of the house he cant
say I pretend things can he Im too honest as a matter of fact and
helping her into her coat but if there was anything wrong with her its
me shed tell not him I suppose he thinks Im finished out and laid on
the shelf well Im not no nor anything like it well see well see now
shes well on for flirting too with Tom Devans two sons imitating me
whistling with those romps of Murray girls calling for her can Milly
come out please shes in great demand to pick what they can out of her
round in Nelson street riding Harry Devans bicycle at night its as well
he sent her where she is she was just getting out of bounds wanting to
go on the skatingrink and smoking their cigarettes through their nose I
smelt it off her dress when I was biting off the thread of the button I
sewed on to the bottom of her jacket she couldnt hide much from me I
tell you only I oughtnt to have stitched it and it on her it brings a
parting and the last plumpudding too split in 2 halves see it comes out
no matter what they say her tongue is a bit too long for my taste your
blouse is open too low she says to me the pan calling the kettle
blackbottom and I had to tell her not to cock her legs up like that on
show on the windowsill before all the people passing they all look at
her like me when I was her age of course any old rag looks well on you
then a great touchmenot too in her own way at the Only Way in the
Theatre royal take your foot away out of that I hate people touching me
afraid of her life Id crush her skirt with the pleats a lot of that
touching must go on in theatres in the crush in the dark theyre always
trying to wiggle up to you that fellow in the pit at the Gaiety for
Beerbohm Tree in Trilby the last time Ill ever go there to be squashed
like that for any Trilby or her barebum every two minutes tipping me
there and looking away hes a bit daft I think I saw him after trying to
get near two stylishdressed ladies outside Switzers window at the same
little game I recognised him on the moment the face and everything but
he didnt remember me yes and she didnt even want me to kiss her at the
Broadstone going away well I hope shell get someone to dance attendance
on her the way I did when she was down with the mumps and her glands
swollen wheres this and wheres that of course she cant feel anything
deep yet I never came properly till I was what 22 or so it went into
the wrong place always only the usual girls nonsense and giggling that
Conny Connolly writing to her in white ink on black paper sealed with
sealingwax though she clapped when the curtain came down because he
looked so handsome then we had Martin Harvey for breakfast dinner and
supper I thought to myself afterwards it must be real love if a man
gives up his life for her that way for nothing I suppose there are a
few men like that left its hard to believe in it though unless it
really happened to me the majority of them with not a particle of love
in their natures to find two people like that nowadays full up of each
other that would feel the same way as you do theyre usually a bit
foolish in the head his father must have been a bit queer to go and
poison himself after her still poor old man I suppose he felt lost shes
always making love to my things too the few old rags I have wanting to
put her hair up at 15 my powder too only ruin her skin on her shes time
enough for that all her life after of course shes restless knowing shes
pretty with her lips so red a pity they wont stay that way I was too
but theres no use going to the fair with the thing answering me like a
fishwoman when I asked to go for a half a stone of potatoes the day we
met Mrs Joe Gallaher at the trottingmatches and she pretended not to
see us in her trap with Friery the solicitor we werent grand enough
till I gave her 2 damn fine cracks across the ear for herself take that
now for answering me like that and that for your impudence she had me
that exasperated of course contradicting I was badtempered too because
how was it there was a weed in the tea or I didnt sleep the night
before cheese I ate was it and I told her over and over again not to
leave knives crossed like that because she has nobody to command her as
she said herself well if he doesnt correct her faith I will that was
the last time she turned on the teartap I was just like that myself
they darent order me about the place its his fault of course having the
two of us slaving here instead of getting in a woman long ago am I ever
going to have a proper servant again of course then shed see him coming
Id have to let her know or shed revenge it arent they a nuisance that
old Mrs Fleming you have to be walking round after her putting the
things into her hands sneezing and farting into the pots well of course
shes old she cant help it a good job I found that rotten old smelly
dishcloth that got lost behind the dresser I knew there was something
and opened the area window to let out the smell bringing in his friends
to entertain them like the night he walked home with a dog if you
please that might have been mad especially Simon Dedalus son his father
such a criticiser with his glasses up with his tall hat on him at the
cricket match and a great big hole in his sock one thing laughing at
the other and his son that got all those prizes for whatever he won
them in the intermediate imagine climbing over the railings if anybody
saw him that knew us I wonder he didnt tear a big hole in his grand
funeral trousers as if the one nature gave wasnt enough for anybody
hawking him down into the dirty old kitchen now is he right in his head
I ask pity it wasnt washing day my old pair of drawers might have been
hanging up too on the line on exhibition for all hed ever care with the
ironmould mark the stupid old bundle burned on them he might think was
something else and she never even rendered down the fat I told her and
now shes going such as she was on account of her paralysed husband
getting worse theres always something wrong with them disease or they
have to go under an operation or if its not that its drink and he beats
her Ill have to hunt around again for someone every day I get up theres
some new thing on sweet God sweet God well when Im stretched out dead
in my grave I suppose Ill have some peace I want to get up a minute if
Im let wait O Jesus wait yes that thing has come on me yes now wouldnt
that afflict you of course all the poking and rooting and ploughing he
had up in me now what am I to do Friday Saturday Sunday wouldnt that
pester the soul out of a body unless he likes it some men do God knows
theres always something wrong with us 5 days every 3 or 4 weeks usual
monthly auction isnt it simply sickening that night it came on me like
that the one and only time we were in a box that Michael Gunn gave him
to see Mrs Kendal and her husband at the Gaiety something he did about
insurance for him in Drimmies I was fit to be tied though I wouldnt
give in with that gentleman of fashion staring down at me with his
glasses and him the other side of me talking about Spinoza and his soul
thats dead I suppose millions of years ago I smiled the best I could
all in a swamp leaning forward as if I was interested having to sit it
out then to the last tag I wont forget that wife of Scarli in a hurry
supposed to be a fast play about adultery that idiot in the gallery
hissing the woman adulteress he shouted I suppose he went and had a
woman in the next lane running round all the back ways after to make up
for it I wish he had what I had then hed boo I bet the cat itself is
better off than us have we too much blood up in us or what O patience
above its pouring out of me like the sea anyhow he didnt make me
pregnant as big as he is I dont want to ruin the clean sheets I just
put on I suppose the clean linen I wore brought it on too damn it damn
it and they always want to see a stain on the bed to know youre a
virgin for them all thats troubling them theyre such fools too you
could be a widow or divorced 40 times over a daub of red ink would do
or blackberry juice no thats too purply O Jamesy let me up out of this
pooh sweets of sin whoever suggested that business for women what
between clothes and cooking and children this damned old bed too
jingling like the dickens I suppose they could hear us away over the
other side of the park till I suggested to put the quilt on the floor
with the pillow under my bottom I wonder is it nicer in the day I think
it is easy I think Ill cut all this hair off me there scalding me I
might look like a young girl wouldnt he get the great suckin the next
time he turned up my clothes on me Id give anything to see his face
wheres the chamber gone easy Ive a holy horror of its breaking under me
after that old commode I wonder was I too heavy sitting on his knee I
made him sit on the easychair purposely when I took off only my blouse
and skirt first in the other room he was so busy where he oughtnt to be
he never felt me I hope my breath was sweet after those kissing comfits
easy God I remember one time I could scout it out straight whistling
like a man almost easy O Lord how noisy I hope theyre bubbles on it for
a wad of money from some fellow Ill have to perfume it in the morning
dont forget I bet he never saw a better pair of thighs than that look
how white they are the smoothest place is right there between this bit
here how soft like a peach easy God I wouldnt mind being a man and get
up on a lovely woman O Lord what a row youre making like the jersey
lily easy easy O how the waters come down at Lahore

who knows is there anything the matter with my insides or have I
something growing in me getting that thing like that every week when
was it last I Whit Monday yes its only about 3 weeks I ought to go to
the doctor only it would be like before I married him when I had that
white thing coming from me and Floey made me go to that dry old stick
Dr Collins for womens diseases on Pembroke road your vagina he called
it I suppose thats how he got all the gilt mirrors and carpets getting
round those rich ones off Stephens green running up to him for every
little fiddlefaddle her vagina and her cochinchina theyve money of
course so theyre all right I wouldnt marry him not if he was the last
man in the world besides theres something queer about their children
always smelling around those filthy bitches all sides asking me if what
I did had an offensive odour what did he want me to do but the one
thing gold maybe what a question if I smathered it all over his wrinkly
old face for him with all my compriments I suppose hed know then and
could you pass it easily pass what I thought he was talking about the
rock of Gibraltar the way he put it thats a very nice invention too by
the way only I like letting myself down after in the hole as far as I
can squeeze and pull the chain then to flush it nice cool pins and
needles still theres something in it I suppose I always used to know by
Millys when she was a child whether she had worms or not still all the
same paying him for that how much is that doctor one guinea please and
asking me had I frequent omissions where do those old fellows get all
the words they have omissions with his shortsighted eyes on me cocked
sideways I wouldnt trust him too far to give me chloroform or God knows
what else still I liked him when he sat down to write the thing out
frowning so severe his nose intelligent like that you be damned you
lying strap O anything no matter who except an idiot he was clever
enough to spot that of course that was all thinking of him and his mad
crazy letters my Precious one everything connected with your glorious
Body everything underlined that comes from it is a thing of beauty and
of joy for ever something he got out of some nonsensical book that he
had me always at myself 4 and 5 times a day sometimes and I said I
hadnt are you sure O yes I said I am quite sure in a way that shut him
up I knew what was coming next only natural weakness it was he excited
me I dont know how the first night ever we met when I was living in
Rehoboth terrace we stood staring at one another for about 10 minutes
as if we met somewhere I suppose on account of my being jewess looking
after my mother he used to amuse me the things he said with the half
sloothering smile on him and all the Doyles said he was going to stand
for a member of Parliament O wasnt I the born fool to believe all his
blather about home rule and the land league sending me that long strool
of a song out of the Huguenots to sing in French to be more classy O
beau pays de la Touraine that I never even sang once explaining and
rigmaroling about religion and persecution he wont let you enjoy
anything naturally then might he as a great favour the very 1st
opportunity he got a chance in Brighton square running into my bedroom
pretending the ink got on his hands to wash it off with the Albion milk
and sulphur soap I used to use and the gelatine still round it O I
laughed myself sick at him that day I better not make an alnight
sitting on this affair they ought to make chambers a natural size so
that a woman could sit on it properly he kneels down to do it I suppose
there isnt in all creation another man with the habits he has look at
the way hes sleeping at the foot of the bed how can he without a hard
bolster its well he doesnt kick or he might knock out all my teeth
breathing with his hand on his nose like that Indian god he took me to
show one wet Sunday in the museum in Kildare street all yellow in a
pinafore lying on his side on his hand with his ten toes sticking out
that he said was a bigger religion than the jews and Our Lords both put
together all over Asia imitating him as hes always imitating everybody
I suppose he used to sleep at the foot of the bed too with his big
square feet up in his wifes mouth damn this stinking thing anyway
wheres this those napkins are ah yes I know I hope the old press doesnt
creak ah I knew it would hes sleeping hard had a good time somewhere
still she must have given him great value for his money of course he
has to pay for it from her O this nuisance of a thing I hope theyll
have something better for us in the other world tying ourselves up God
help us thats all right for tonight now the lumpy old jingly bed always
reminds me of old Cohen I suppose he scratched himself in it often
enough and he thinks father bought it from Lord Napier that I used to
admire when I was a little girl because I told him easy piano O I like
my bed God here we are as bad as ever after 16 years how many houses
were we in at all Raymond terrace and Ontario terrace and Lombard
street and Holles street and he goes about whistling every time were on
the run again his huguenots or the frogs march pretending to help the
men with our 4 sticks of furniture and then the City Arms hotel worse
and worse says Warden Daly that charming place on the landing always
somebody inside praying then leaving all their stinks after them always
know who was in there last every time were just getting on right
something happens or he puts his big foot in it Thoms and Helys and Mr
Cuffes and Drimmies either hes going to be run into prison over his old
lottery tickets that was to be all our salvations or he goes and gives
impudence well have him coming home with the sack soon out of the
Freeman too like the rest on account of those Sinner Fein or the
freemasons then well see if the little man he showed me dribbling along
in the wet all by himself round by Coadys lane will give him much
consolation that he says is so capable and sincerely Irish he is indeed
judging by the sincerity of the trousers I saw on him wait theres
Georges church bells wait 3 quarters the hour wait two oclock well
thats a nice hour of the night for him to be coming home at to anybody
climbing down into the area if anybody saw him Ill knock him off that
little habit tomorrow first Ill look at his shirt to see or Ill see if
he has that French letter still in his pocketbook I suppose he thinks I
dont know deceitful men all their 20 pockets arent enough for their
lies then why should we tell them even if its the truth they dont
believe you then tucked up in bed like those babies in the Aristocrats
Masterpiece he brought me another time as if we hadnt enough of that in
real life without some old Aristocrat or whatever his name is
disgusting you more with those rotten pictures children with two heads
and no legs thats the kind of villainy theyre always dreaming about
with not another thing in their empty heads they ought to get slow
poison the half of them then tea and toast for him buttered on both
sides and newlaid eggs I suppose Im nothing any more when I wouldnt let
him lick me in Holles street one night man man tyrant as ever for the
one thing he slept on the floor half the night naked the way the jews
used when somebody dies belonged to them and wouldnt eat any breakfast
or speak a word wanting to be petted so I thought I stood out enough
for one time and let him he does it all wrong too thinking only of his
own pleasure his tongue is too flat or I dont know what he forgets that
wethen I dont Ill make him do it again if he doesnt mind himself and
lock him down to sleep in the coalcellar with the blackbeetles I wonder
was it her Josie off her head with my castoffs hes such a born liar too
no hed never have the courage with a married woman thats why he wants
me and Boylan though as for her Denis as she calls him that
forlornlooking spectacle you couldnt call him a husband yes its some
little bitch hes got in with even when I was with him with Milly at the
College races that Hornblower with the childs bonnet on the top of his
nob let us into by the back way he was throwing his sheeps eyes at
those two doing skirt duty up and down I tried to wink at him first no
use of course and thats the way his money goes this is the fruits of Mr
Paddy Dignam yes they were all in great style at the grand funeral in
the paper Boylan brought in if they saw a real officers funeral thatd
be something reversed arms muffled drums the poor horse walking behind
in black L Boom and Tom Kernan that drunken little barrelly man that
bit his tongue off falling down the mens W C drunk in some place or
other and Martin Cunningham and the two Dedaluses and Fanny MCoys
husband white head of cabbage skinny thing with a turn in her eye
trying to sing my songs shed want to be born all over again and her old
green dress with the lowneck as she cant attract them any other way
like dabbling on a rainy day I see it all now plainly and they call
that friendship killing and then burying one another and they all with
their wives and families at home more especially Jack Power keeping
that barmaid he does of course his wife is always sick or going to be
sick or just getting better of it and hes a goodlooking man still
though hes getting a bit grey over the ears theyre a nice lot all of
them well theyre not going to get my husband again into their clutches
if I can help it making fun of him then behind his back I know well
when he goes on with his idiotics because he has sense enough not to
squander every penny piece he earns down their gullets and looks after
his wife and family goodfornothings poor Paddy Dignam all the same Im
sorry in a way for him what are his wife and 5 children going to do
unless he was insured comical little teetotum always stuck up in some
pub corner and her or her son waiting Bill Bailey wont you please come
home her widows weeds wont improve her appearance theyre awfully
becoming though if youre goodlooking what men wasnt he yes he was at
the Glencree dinner and Ben Dollard base barreltone the night he
borrowed the swallowtail to sing out of in Holles street squeezed and
squashed into them and grinning all over his big Dolly face like a
wellwhipped childs botty didnt he look a balmy ballocks sure enough
that must have been a spectacle on the stage imagine paying 5/- in the
preserved seats for that to see him trotting off in his trowlers and
Simon Dedalus too he was always turning up half screwed singing the
second verse first the old love is the new was one of his so sweetly
sang the maiden on the hawthorn bough he was always on for flirtyfying
too when I sang Maritana with him at Freddy Mayers private opera he had
a delicious glorious voice Phoebe dearest goodbye sweetheart
_sweet_heart he always sang it not like Bartell DArcy sweet _tart_
goodbye of course he had the gift of the voice so there was no art in
it all over you like a warm showerbath O Maritana wildwood flower we
sang splendidly though it was a bit too high for my register even
transposed and he was married at the time to May Goulding but then hed
say or do something to knock the good out of it hes a widower now I
wonder what sort is his son he says hes an author and going to be a
university professor of Italian and Im to take lessons what is he
driving at now showing him my photo its not good of me I ought to have
got it taken in drapery that never looks out of fashion still I look
young in it I wonder he didnt make him a present of it altogether and
me too after all why not I saw him driving down to the Kingsbridge
station with his father and mother I was in mourning thats 11 years ago
now yes hed be 11 though what was the good in going into mourning for
what was neither one thing nor the other the first cry was enough for
me I heard the deathwatch too ticking in the wall of course he insisted
hed go into mourning for the cat I suppose hes a man now by this time
he was an innocent boy then and a darling little fellow in his lord
Fauntleroy suit and curly hair like a prince on the stage when I saw
him at Mat Dillons he liked me too I remember they all do wait by God
yes wait yes hold on he was on the cards this morning when I laid out
the deck union with a young stranger neither dark nor fair you met
before I thought it meant him but hes no chicken nor a stranger either
besides my face was turned the other way what was the 7th card after
that the 10 of spades for a journey by land then there was a letter on
its way and scandals too the 3 queens and the 8 of diamonds for a rise
in society yes wait it all came out and 2 red 8s for new garments look
at that and didnt I dream something too yes there was something about
poetry in it I hope he hasnt long greasy hair hanging into his eyes or
standing up like a red Indian what do they go about like that for only
getting themselves and their poetry laughed at I always liked poetry
when I was a girl first I thought he was a poet like lord Byron and not
an ounce of it in his composition I thought he was quite different I
wonder is he too young hes about wait 88 I was married 88 Milly is 15
yesterday 89 what age was he then at Dillons 5 or 6 about 88 I suppose
hes 20 or more Im not too old for him if hes 23 or 24 I hope hes not
that stuckup university student sort no otherwise he wouldnt go sitting
down in the old kitchen with him taking Eppss cocoa and talking of
course he pretended to understand it all probably he told him he was
out of Trinity college hes very young to be a professor I hope hes not
a professor like Goodwin was he was a potent professor of John Jameson
they all write about some woman in their poetry well I suppose he wont
find many like me where softly sighs of love the light guitar where
poetry is in the air the blue sea and the moon shining so beautifully
coming back on the nightboat from Tarifa the lighthouse at Europa point
the guitar that fellow played was so expressive will I ever go back
there again all new faces two glancing eyes a lattice hid Ill sing that
for him theyre my eyes if hes anything of a poet two eyes as darkly
bright as loves own star arent those beautiful words as loves young
star itll be a change the Lord knows to have an intelligent person to
talk to about yourself not always listening to him and Billy Prescotts
ad and Keyess ad and Tom the Devils ad then if anything goes wrong in
their business we have to suffer Im sure hes very distinguished Id like
to meet a man like that God not those other ruck besides hes young
those fine young men I could see down in Margate strand bathingplace
from the side of the rock standing up in the sun naked like a God or
something and then plunging into the sea with them why arent all men
like that thered be some consolation for a woman like that lovely
little statue he bought I could look at him all day long curly head and
his shoulders his finger up for you to listen theres real beauty and
poetry for you I often felt I wanted to kiss him all over also his
lovely young cock there so simple I wouldnt mind taking him in my mouth
if nobody was looking as if it was asking you to suck it so clean and
white he looks with his boyish face I would too in 1/2 a minute even if
some of it went down what its only like gruel or the dew theres no
danger besides hed be so clean compared with those pigs of men I
suppose never dream of washing it from 1 years end to the other the
most of them only thats what gives the women the moustaches Im sure
itll be grand if I can only get in with a handsome young poet at my age
Ill throw them the 1st thing in the morning till I see if the wishcard
comes out or Ill try pairing the lady herself and see if he comes out
Ill read and study all I can find or learn a bit off by heart if I knew
who he likes so he wont think me stupid if he thinks all women are the
same and I can teach him the other part Ill make him feel all over him
till he half faints under me then hell write about me lover and
mistress publicly too with our 2 photographs in all the papers when he
becomes famous O but then what am I going to do about him though

no thats no way for him has he no manners nor no refinement nor no
nothing in his nature slapping us behind like that on my bottom because
I didnt call him Hugh the ignoramus that doesnt know poetry from a
cabbage thats what you get for not keeping them in their proper place
pulling off his shoes and trousers there on the chair before me so
barefaced without even asking permission and standing out that vulgar
way in the half of a shirt they wear to be admired like a priest or a
butcher or those old hypocrites in the time of Julius Caesar of course
hes right enough in his way to pass the time as a joke sure you might
as well be in bed with what with a lion God Im sure hed have something
better to say for himself an old Lion would O well I suppose its
because they were so plump and tempting in my short petticoat he
couldnt resist they excite myself sometimes its well for men all the
amount of pleasure they get off a womans body were so round and white
for them always I wished I was one myself for a change just to try with
that thing they have swelling up on you so hard and at the same time so
soft when you touch it my uncle John has a thing long I heard those
cornerboys saying passing the comer of Marrowbone lane my aunt Mary has
a thing hairy because it was dark and they knew a girl was passing it
didnt make me blush why should it either its only nature and he puts
his thing long into my aunt Marys hairy etcetera and turns out to be
you put the handle in a sweepingbrush men again all over they can pick
and choose what they please a married woman or a fast widow or a girl
for their different tastes like those houses round behind Irish street
no but were to be always chained up theyre not going to be chaining me
up no damn fear once I start I tell you for their stupid husbands
jealousy why cant we all remain friends over it instead of quarrelling
her husband found it out what they did together well naturally and if
he did can he undo it hes coronado anyway whatever he does and then he
going to the other mad extreme about the wife in Fair Tyrants of course
the man never even casts a 2nd thought on the husband or wife either
its the woman he wants and he gets her what else were we given all
those desires for Id like to know I cant help it if Im young still can
I its a wonder Im not an old shrivelled hag before my time living with
him so cold never embracing me except sometimes when hes asleep the
wrong end of me not knowing I suppose who he has any man thatd kiss a
womans bottom Id throw my hat at him after that hed kiss anything
unnatural where we havent 1 atom of any kind of expression in us all of
us the same 2 lumps of lard before ever Id do that to a man pfooh the
dirty brutes the mere thought is enough I kiss the feet of you senorita
theres some sense in that didnt he kiss our halldoor yes he did what a
madman nobody understands his cracked ideas but me still of course a
woman wants to be embraced 20 times a day almost to make her look young
no matter by who so long as to be in love or loved by somebody if the
fellow you want isnt there sometimes by the Lord God I was thinking
would I go around by the quays there some dark evening where nobodyd
know me and pick up a sailor off the sea thatd be hot on for it and not
care a pin whose I was only do it off up in a gate somewhere or one of
those wildlooking gipsies in Rathfarnham had their camp pitched near
the Bloomfield laundry to try and steal our things if they could I only
sent mine there a few times for the name model laundry sending me back
over and over some old ones odd stockings that blackguardlooking fellow
with the fine eyes peeling a switch attack me in the dark and ride me
up against the wall without a word or a murderer anybody what they do
themselves the fine gentlemen in their silk hats that K C lives up
somewhere this way coming out of Hardwicke lane the night he gave us
the fish supper on account of winning over the boxing match of course
it was for me he gave it I knew him by his gaiters and the walk and
when I turned round a minute after just to see there was a woman after
coming out of it too some filthy prostitute then he goes home to his
wife after that only I suppose the half of those sailors are rotten
again with disease O move over your big carcass out of that for the
love of Mike listen to him the winds that waft my sighs to thee so well
he may sleep and sigh the great Suggester Don Poldo de la Flora if he
knew how he came out on the cards this morning hed have something to
sigh for a dark man in some perplexity between 2 7s too in prison for
Lord knows what he does that I dont know and Im to be slooching around
down in the kitchen to get his lordship his breakfast while hes rolled
up like a mummy will I indeed did you ever see me running Id just like
to see myself at it show them attention and they treat you like dirt I
dont care what anybody says itd be much better for the world to be
governed by the women in it you wouldnt see women going and killing one
another and slaughtering when do you ever see women rolling around
drunk like they do or gambling every penny they have and losing it on
horses yes because a woman whatever she does she knows where to stop
sure they wouldnt be in the world at all only for us they dont know
what it is to be a woman and a mother how could they where would they
all of them be if they hadnt all a mother to look after them what I
never had thats why I suppose hes running wild now out at night away
from his books and studies and not living at home on account of the
usual rowy house I suppose well its a poor case that those that have a
fine son like that theyre not satisfied and I none was he not able to
make one it wasnt my fault we came together when I was watching the two
dogs up in her behind in the middle of the naked street that
disheartened me altogether I suppose I oughtnt to have buried him in
that little woolly jacket I knitted crying as I was but give it to some
poor child but I knew well Id never have another our 1st death too it
was we were never the same since O Im not going to think myself into
the glooms about that any more I wonder why he wouldnt stay the night I
felt all the time it was somebody strange he brought in instead of
roving around the city meeting God knows who nightwalkers and
pickpockets his poor mother wouldnt like that if she was alive ruining
himself for life perhaps still its a lovely hour so silent I used to
love coming home after dances the air of the night they have friends
they can talk to weve none either he wants what he wont get or its some
woman ready to stick her knife in you I hate that in women no wonder
they treat us the way they do we are a dreadful lot of bitches I
suppose its all the troubles we have makes us so snappy Im not like
that he could easy have slept in there on the sofa in the other room I
suppose he was as shy as a boy he being so young hardly 20 of me in the
next room hed have heard me on the chamber arrah what harm Dedalus I
wonder its like those names in Gibraltar Delapaz Delagracia they had
the devils queer names there father Vilaplana of Santa Maria that gave
me the rosary Rosales y OReilly in the Calle las Siete Revueltas and
Pisimbo and Mrs Opisso in Governor street O what a name Id go and drown
myself in the first river if I had a name like her O my and all the
bits of streets Paradise ramp and Bedlam ramp and Rodgers ramp and
Crutchetts ramp and the devils gap steps well small blame to me if I am
a harumscarum I know I am a bit I declare to God I dont feel a day
older than then I wonder could I get my tongue round any of the Spanish
como esta usted muy bien gracias y usted see I havent forgotten it all
I thought I had only for the grammar a noun is the name of any person
place or thing pity I never tried to read that novel cantankerous Mrs
Rubio lent me by Valera with the questions in it all upside down the
two ways I always knew wed go away in the end I can tell him the
Spanish and he tell me the Italian then hell see Im not so ignorant
what a pity he didnt stay Im sure the poor fellow was dead tired and
wanted a good sleep badly I could have brought him in his breakfast in
bed with a bit of toast so long as I didnt do it on the knife for bad
luck or if the woman was going her rounds with the watercress and
something nice and tasty there are a few olives in the kitchen he might
like I never could bear the look of them in Abrines I could do the
criada the room looks all right since I changed it the other way you
see something was telling me all the time Id have to introduce myself
not knowing me from Adam very funny wouldnt it Im his wife or pretend
we were in Spain with him half awake without a Gods notion where he is
dos huevos estrellados senor Lord the cracked things come into my head
sometimes itd be great fun supposing he stayed with us why not theres
the room upstairs empty and Millys bed in the back room he could do his
writing and studies at the table in there for all the scribbling he
does at it and if he wants to read in bed in the morning like me as hes
making the breakfast for 1 he can make it for 2 Im sure Im not going to
take in lodgers off the street for him if he takes a gesabo of a house
like this Id love to have a long talk with an intelligent welleducated
person Id have to get a nice pair of red slippers like those Turks with
the fez used to sell or yellow and a nice semitransparent morning gown
that I badly want or a peachblossom dressing jacket like the one long
ago in Walpoles only 8/6 or 18/6 Ill just give him one more chance Ill
get up early in the morning Im sick of Cohens old bed in any case I
might go over to the markets to see all the vegetables and cabbages and
tomatoes and carrots and all kinds of splendid fruits all coming in
lovely and fresh who knows whod be the 1st man Id meet theyre out
looking for it in the morning Mamy Dillon used to say they are and the
night too that was her massgoing Id love a big juicy pear now to melt
in your mouth like when I used to be in the longing way then Ill throw
him up his eggs and tea in the moustachecup she gave him to make his
mouth bigger I suppose hed like my nice cream too I know what Ill do
Ill go about rather gay not too much singing a bit now and then mi fa
pieta Masetto then Ill start dressing myself to go out presto non son
piu forte Ill put on my best shift and drawers let him have a good
eyeful out of that to make his micky stand for him Ill let him know if
thats what he wanted that his wife is fucked yes and damn well fucked
too up to my neck nearly not by him 5 or 6 times handrunning theres the
mark of his spunk on the clean sheet I wouldnt bother to even iron it
out that ought to satisfy him if you dont believe me feel my belly
unless I made him stand there and put him into me Ive a mind to tell
him every scrap and make him do it out in front of me serve him right
its all his own fault if I am an adulteress as the thing in the gallery
said O much about it if thats all the harm ever we did in this vale of
tears God knows its not much doesnt everybody only they hide it I
suppose thats what a woman is supposed to be there for or He wouldnt
have made us the way He did so attractive to men then if he wants to
kiss my bottom Ill drag open my drawers and bulge it right out in his
face as large as life he can stick his tongue 7 miles up my hole as hes
there my brown part then Ill tell him I want £ 1 or perhaps 30/- Ill
tell him I want to buy underclothes then if he gives me that well he
wont be too bad I dont want to soak it all out of him like other women
do I could often have written out a fine cheque for myself and write
his name on it for a couple of pounds a few times he forgot to lock it
up besides he wont spend it Ill let him do it off on me behind provided
he doesnt smear all my good drawers O I suppose that cant be helped Ill
do the indifferent 1 or 2 questions Ill know by the answers when hes
like that he cant keep a thing back I know every turn in him Ill
tighten my bottom well and let out a few smutty words smellrump or lick
my shit or the first mad thing comes into my head then Ill suggest
about yes O wait now sonny my turn is coming Ill be quite gay and
friendly over it O but I was forgetting this bloody pest of a thing
pfooh you wouldnt know which to laugh or cry were such a mixture of
plum and apple no Ill have to wear the old things so much the better
itll be more pointed hell never know whether he did it or not there
thats good enough for you any old thing at all then Ill wipe him off me
just like a business his omission then Ill go out Ill have him eying up
at the ceiling where is she gone now make him want me thats the only
way a quarter after what an unearthly hour I suppose theyre just
getting up in China now combing out their pigtails for the day well
soon have the nuns ringing the angelus theyve nobody coming in to spoil
their sleep except an odd priest or two for his night office or the
alarmclock next door at cockshout clattering the brains out of itself
let me see if I can doze off 1 2 3 4 5 what kind of flowers are those
they invented like the stars the wallpaper in Lombard street was much
nicer the apron he gave me was like that something only I only wore it
twice better lower this lamp and try again so as I can get up early Ill
go to Lambes there beside Findlaters and get them to send us some
flowers to put about the place in case he brings him home tomorrow
today I mean no no Fridays an unlucky day first I want to do the place
up someway the dust grows in it I think while Im asleep then we can
have music and cigarettes I can accompany him first I must clean the
keys of the piano with milk whatll I wear shall I wear a white rose or
those fairy cakes in Liptons I love the smell of a rich big shop at 7
1/2d a lb or the other ones with the cherries in them and the pinky
sugar 11d a couple of lbs of those a nice plant for the middle of the
table Id get that cheaper in wait wheres this I saw them not long ago I
love flowers Id love to have the whole place swimming in roses God of
heaven theres nothing like nature the wild mountains then the sea and
the waves rushing then the beautiful country with the fields of oats
and wheat and all kinds of things and all the fine cattle going about
that would do your heart good to see rivers and lakes and flowers all
sorts of shapes and smells and colours springing up even out of the
ditches primroses and violets nature it is as for them saying theres no
God I wouldnt give a snap of my two fingers for all their learning why
dont they go and create something I often asked him atheists or
whatever they call themselves go and wash the cobbles off themselves
first then they go howling for the priest and they dying and why why
because theyre afraid of hell on account of their bad conscience ah yes
I know them well who was the first person in the universe before there
was anybody that made it all who ah that they dont know neither do I so
there you are they might as well try to stop the sun from rising
tomorrow the sun shines for you he said the day we were lying among the
rhododendrons on Howth head in the grey tweed suit and his straw hat
the day I got him to propose to me yes first I gave him the bit of
seedcake out of my mouth and it was leapyear like now yes 16 years ago
my God after that long kiss I near lost my breath yes he said I was a
flower of the mountain yes so we are flowers all a womans body yes that
was one true thing he said in his life and the sun shines for you today
yes that was why I liked him because I saw he understood or felt what a
woman is and I knew I could always get round him and I gave him all the
pleasure I could leading him on till he asked me to say yes and I
wouldnt answer first only looked out over the sea and the sky I was
thinking of so many things he didnt know of Mulvey and Mr Stanhope and
Hester and father and old captain Groves and the sailors playing all
birds fly and I say stoop and washing up dishes they called it on the
pier and the sentry in front of the governors house with the thing
round his white helmet poor devil half roasted and the Spanish girls
laughing in their shawls and their tall combs and the auctions in the
morning the Greeks and the jews and the Arabs and the devil knows who
else from all the ends of Europe and Duke street and the fowl market
all clucking outside Larby Sharons and the poor donkeys slipping half
asleep and the vague fellows in the cloaks asleep in the shade on the
steps and the big wheels of the carts of the bulls and the old castle
thousands of years old yes and those handsome Moors all in white and
turbans like kings asking you to sit down in their little bit of a shop
and Ronda with the old windows of the posadas 2 glancing eyes a lattice
hid for her lover to kiss the iron and the wineshops half open at night
and the castanets and the night we missed the boat at Algeciras the
watchman going about serene with his lamp and O that awful deepdown
torrent O and the sea the sea crimson sometimes like fire and the
glorious sunsets and the figtrees in the Alameda gardens yes and all
the queer little streets and the pink and blue and yellow houses and
the rosegardens and the jessamine and geraniums and cactuses and
Gibraltar as a girl where I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put
the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a
red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well
as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again
yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and
first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could
feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and
yes I said yes I will Yes.

Trieste-Zurich-Paris

1914-1921
ENDOFFILE