(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
FEMALE EMCEE: Simone is wearing the Donna Day spring formal.
The ultimate in stylish prom wear for the young
or for the young at heart.
Ooh!
The signature Donna Day youthful lines are accentuated
with just a touch of the classic.
Isn't it lovely? I've got to buy one.
- For who? - (GASPS)
(GRUNT) What did I do?
Hmph!
This little spring ensemble, modeled appropriately by April,
is part of the Donna Day "Crazy Kids" collection.
CALENDAR GIRL: Beware the Ides of March.
- CROWD: The ides of what? - (GASPS)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
(CROWD CLAMORING)
Somebody call security!
(WOMAN CRYING FAINTLY)
(STRAINING)
What's the meaning of this?
Untie me at once, you déclassé.
Sorry, but you and I have a date with destiny.
Your destiny.
(GUNSHOTS)
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
(CROWD CHATTERING)
Back off, buzzards. We ain't even taken pictures of the crime scene yet.
But we heard the kidnapper left a ransom note.
Nah, just a page from an old calendar.
So, what does it mean?
It means this Calendar Girl's days are numbered.
- Numbered? What do you mean? - Give us more than that-
And I'll leave you with the latest spec designs from Wayne Motors.
If you want, call me tonight after the auto show.
Auto show. Right.
By the way, I'm supposed to remind you about Bernie Benson's retirement dinner.
It's this Friday.
Bernie's retiring? Why?
He's 65, Bruce. That's our mandatory retirement age.
I thought he was younger.
Well, sooner or later, we all start touching up the gray.
Some people.
Excuse me, sir. There's a van blocking both of the passenger loading spaces.
It's just as well, Alfred.
I'm gonna have to be dropped off someplace a little more private.
Understood, sir.
Check out this bodywork.
(APPLAUSE)
We can't keep the heat under wraps any longer.
It sizzles. It smokes. It's the hot new car for summer.
(CROWD CHEERING)
It's the Solstice.
CALENDAR GIRL: Things are heating up for you, too, Barkley.
(CROWD GROANING)
(FIREWORKS SQUEALING)
Oh, I hope you're insured, Barkley.
Barkley, not staying for the celebration?
(GROANING)
(GASPS)
No! Please! I'm too young to die.
Honey, you're never too thin, and you're never too young.
BATMAN: Let her go.
I have no quarrel with her. She's just another tragic victim.
(GIRL PANTING)
I have what I came for.
(BARKLEY GROANING)
No, help me! Help!
(GRUNTING)
(YELLS)
(SCREAMING)
(ENGINE STARTING)
(GROANING)
CALENDAR GIRL: Trying to spoil my summer fun?
(BATMAN GROANS)
And I thought everyone liked fireworks.
(BARKLEY SCREAMING)
See you in the fall, Batman.
- (TIRES SCREECHING) - Ahhh!
Here's all the news items from both August 7th and April 3rd,
- dating back 10 years. - Make it 20.
My, we're being thorough today. Okay.
Now I'm cross-referencing Donna Day Fashions and Gotham Motors
for any common names, places, events...
(BEEPING)
Ta-da!
Who is she? She looks familiar.
She should.
Page Monroe. Her face was just about everywhere for a few years.
She used to be a spokesmodel
for a number of major companies, including-
Let me guess. Gotham Motors and Donna Day.
Right. Until both companies announced they were dropping her
in favor of a new youth-oriented campaign.
On April 3rd and August 7th.
I do remember. Pretty girl.
Don't you mean "woman"?
She was your age when she made that commercial, Batboy.
IRV: Don't worry about a thing.
I'll get you the part. The director owes me big-time.
You'd be surprised the kind of pull I have in this town.
BATMAN: Irv Kleinman.
Hey, what is this? Costumes are down the hall.
I have a few questions for you.
Get lost. Can't you see I'm in a meeting?
(GROANING)
Meeting's been canceled.
I'd run if I were you.
Okay, okay. What?
- Page Monroe. - Page?
I used to be her agent. What about her?
What happened to her?
She turned 30. What are you gonna do?
- BATGIRL: So you just dumped her? - Hey, look, I tried to help her.
After the modeling dried up, I got her a lead in a sitcom.
But it never flew. The network wanted younger demographics.
- Where is she now? - Dropped out of sight.
But there were rumors.
You know, the surgeon nipped when he should have tucked.
Listen, if you let me go, I can make it worth your while.
I'm the sole owner of a major company.
Help me, and I can promise you
Gotham Motors will see that you're taken care of.
Hey, I made the first offer, company man.
- Rag merchant. - Junk dealer.
- You know what I want from you two? - What?
Quiet!
The boss is thinking.
- (GASPS) - We're ready when you are.
Idiot!
(GROANING)
No one is allowed to see my face. No one.
Sorry.
(FOOTSTEPS FADING)
(WHISTLING)
Another season, another reason for making trouble.
(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)
Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for joining us here today
for our network's "Look Into the Future."
The GWB is staking out new frontiers this season
with innovative shows like...
Model Students, a hard-hitting drama about three young women
dealing with the pressures of modeling school.
Don't cry, Dana.
So you weren't picked for the swimsuit issue.
It's who you are inside that counts.
Oh! (GASPS)
I love you GUYS-
You're busted!
FREDERICK: Teen Cop.
Inner-city street drama with a fresh attitude.
Education rules!
(CROWD APPLAUSE)
And Malibu Vets.
The heartwarming adventures of a group of young beach-going veterinarians.
We interrupt this program to bring you some real entertainment.
(ENGINE WHIRRING)
(CROWD CLAMORING)
(ALL SCREAMING)
Spring ahead, Freddy boy,
but fall back!
(ALL GRUNTING)
(WHIRRING STOPS)
Your show's just been canceled, Freddy.
(BEEPING)
Don't tell me you're starting to believe your own publicity?
It's only a TV show. This is reality.
(GROANS)
Garbage pickup, boys.
(CROWD GASPS)
(TIRES SCREECHING)
What's Halloween without a couple of costumed clowns?
Trick or treat, Bats.
(CROWD SCREAMING)
(ALL COUGHING)
(MIMICKING COUGH)
Over here!
CALENDAR GIRL: You shouldn't have come this way, Batman.
There's no living in the past, believe me.
(RUMBLING)
(LEAVES RUSTLING)
(WATER TRICKLING)
(ROARING)
Strange, isn't it?
Dinosaurs have been dead for millions of years,
yet they still get parts in movies.
It hardly seems fair.
(BATMAN GROANS)
(DINOSAUR GROWLING)
(ROARING)
(GRUNTING)
(ROPE WHIPPING)
(STRAINING)
(GROWLING)
(BATGIRL PANTING)
(ROARING)
- (l_ouo CRASHING) - (EXPLOSl0NS)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
Thanks.
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
Come in.
I'm sorry to disturb you, Mr. Wayne,
but I wanted to hand in my final report a little early
to get ready for my retirement dinner.
(PHONE RINGING)
One second, Bernie.
- Hello? - BATGIRL: Bruce, it's me.
It took some digging, but I just found out that Page Monroe
still holds title to a defunct nightclub called "Faces"
in the redevelopment district.
I'll meet you there.
I'm afraid I won't be able to attend your retirement dinner, Bernie.
I understand, sir. You're very busy.
Actually, I've decided to cancel it.
- Cancel? - I'm changing the retirement policy.
You can work here for as long as you can do the job.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Yes!
CALENDAR GIRL: Yes, I was gorgeous once. I had everything.
I used to be a face. I used to be the face.
Until you destroyed me. Destroyed my career.
I tried to get it back.
For 10 years I starved,
sweated, subjected my body to surgery after surgery, and for what?
Days became weeks, weeks became years,
until my time ran out.
(MUFFLED SCREAMS)
Now I only have one holiday left to celebrate.
The Day of the Dead. And you're going to celebrate it with me.
(MUFFLED SCREAMS)
Argh!
(ALL GRUNTING)
(BOTH STRAINING)
(CALENDAR GIRL GRUNTING)
(ELECTRICITY ZAPPING)
(CALENDAR GIRL GRUNTING)
(BATMAN GROANS)
This must be my lucky day.
(SIZZLING)
My face.
Argh!
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
- Did you read her her rights? - Yes, sir.
Then she knows they don't include this.
(SCREAMS)
No! Don't! Don't look! Please!
(SOBBING) Oh!
No.
- She's beautiful. - She can't see that anymore.
All she sees are the flaws.
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
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