Candy Corn III: Direct to Video lyrics Album freely available at http://ocremix.org/info/Candy_Corn_III:_Direct_to_Video --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Stephen Kelly, YoshiBlade, Bryan Kelly, Abigail Endsley - "Scene 1: Mars Bars and Mysteries" Dialogue written by Stephen Kelly & YoshiBlade Abigail: Hey, guys, it's trick-or-treat time! You ready to roll? Bryan: Just about! I was showing Stephen my handmade costume. Abigail: Hmm... Bryan: Is that a good "hmm"? Abigail: More like a "hmm" hmm. It's a cardboard box. Bryan: Meh. Debatable. Stephen: No, it's, uh... it's clearly a box. Bryan: Yeah, remember how I told my mom I didn't want a costume? Well, I figured trying to be non-conformist was too conformist, so I'm a cardboard box now. Stephen: Eh, we'll just assume it's Metal Gear cosplay and call it a day. How do you guys like mine? Party City's having a clairvoyance clearance sale. Abigail: It's very shiny. Mortal Kombat? Stephen: I dunno. The packaging said "Japanese Ice Wizard," so umm... I'm hoping for the best. What are you this year? Abigail: I'm a Katamari. That's why I said "ready to roll" before, but nobody laughed. It... it's cool, though. Stephen: Okay, folks, the sun's already down! Time's a-waistin'! Abigail: Let's roll! Stephen: Eyyy, I get that. That's funny. Bryan: Haha! [A silence falls over the four as they trudge through the neighborhood] Abigail: Kind of quiet out here, huh? Stephen: Yeah, Halloween isn't really the same these days. Honestly, we've just about hit that age where you can't go trick-or-treating anymore. Bryan: Maybe the whole world has grown up too much for Halloween. Every generation gets a little more world-weary for the holidays, and Halloween is a known quantity at this point. It's more about Mars bars than mystery. [They ring the doorbell] Abigail: I don't think that's a bad thing, really. But yeah, it's hard to feel the thrill of uncertainty when you can pay six bucks for a Disney princess or a clip-on action hero. Stephen: Well, now I'm feeling insecure. Abigail: I said it was shiny! [Ding dong] Everyone: Trick or treat! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 3. Stephen Kelly, Bryan Kelly, Abigail Endsley - "Scene 2: Caramel and Costumes" Dialogue written by Stephen Kelly Stephen: Aw, beans. All I got was candy corn. Abigail: Me too. Bryan: All I got was a bag of styrofoam. Stephen: Ooh, wanna trade? Bryan: Nah, I'll take my chances. But, gosh, what I wouldn't give for one of those chocolates with the coconut filling. Stephen: You know, maybe that's what Halloween is all about. Abigail: Oh, give me a break. It's about Kit-Kat bars. Stephen: No, I mean, like... the filling. What's inside. We said before that mystery is what kept the Halloween spirit alive, as it were, which is intrinsically external. I like that answer, but what if it's about how we perceive ourselves? Bryan: Could be. How do you perceive yourself right now? Stephen: Like a very powerful ice wizard. From Japan. Bryan: That's how I perceive you too. Stephen: Thanks, man. I'm getting more of a Nintendo Labo vibe from you. But... but that's the fantasy. For this one night, we're free to become someone else -- or something else -- whether you're a medieval knight, the Dark Knight, a Jedi knight, or, like, some other variety of knight. Bryan: And I suppose that explains why it's been changing, too. Stephen: Do tell. Bryan: I've noticed that our culture is learning to express itself more creatively, both individually and as a group. Dressing up in costumes isn't just a Halloween thing now, and it's not just for kids. You have cosplay, movies premiers, Times Square. I think it offers a kind of power. Stephen: That makes me feel slightly less insecure. Bryan: That's good. Of course, all of this is coming from a man whose creative outlet is a cardboard box. Stephen: With eyeholes. [Ding dong] Everyone: Trick or treat! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 5. Stephen Kelly, Bryan Kelly, Abigail Endsley - "Scene 3: Snickers and Scares" Dialogue written by Stephen Kelly Bryan: What'd you guys get? Stephen: Ahh... more candy corn. Abigail: Oh my God, YES! Stephen: Oh-ho-ho! Do we have a Gobstopper sighting?? Abigail: No, I was agreeing. I got candy corn. I'm just excited to be here. Bryan: I do have to admit, the uneven layers of food coloring are mesmerizing. Stephen: That reminds me... our last conversation has been stuck in my head. I think there's another... layer to it. Bryan brought up the idea that becoming someone else had a sort of power to it, which was a core tenant of Halloween. But that doesn't really answer the question. Namely, what do we have power *over*? Abigail: Well, I would say ourselves. To see the world differently and escape our own minds for a while. Stephen: And what's the root feeling of the need to escape? Abigail: Fear. Ohhhhh, that's very Halloweeny. Stephen: Isn't it? See, every inflatable skeleton and plastic tombstone that says "It's fall, y'all" is a representation of our fears, even if we no longer consciously recognize it. Abigail: That must be why I love kicking over lawn ornaments. Subconscious fear-conquering. Bryan: So, if the spirit of Halloween is fading away... you're staying that, as a species, we've conquered fear? Stephen: We haven't conquered fear, no, good point. But maybe we don't place our fears in the supernatural as much? When was the last time you worried about a witch turning your arms into snakes? Bryan: The late nineties, tops. Abigail: ...How old are you? [Ding dong] Everyone: Trick or treat! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 7. Stephen Kelly, Bryan Kelly, Abigail Endsley - "Scene 4: Pop Rocks and Pranks" Dialogue written by Stephen Kelly Stephen: Holy moly, I got a box of Sour Patch Kids! Abigail: I want! Stephen: Filled with candy corn! So, quick question: do you think these neighbors are spiteful of just consumed with evil? Abigail: Ooh, that reminds me. Bryan: An alarming transition, but continue. Abigail: You guys keep talking about gaining a sense of power and overcoming fear, but isn't a core tenant of Halloween *causing* fear? Like mischief and pranks and stuff? Stephen: Oh my gosh, pranks. I love pranks. Um, OK, this... this one time – you're gonna love this – this one time, I snuck onto my mean, old piano teacher's front lawn with a... with a huge roll of toilet paper, right? Glancin' over my shoulder to make sure no cops were watching or anything -- and, OK, so [laughs] -- I walk... I walked right up to her door... I walked right up to her door -- and left it on her porch! I just left the whole roll of toilet paper right there. "W-W-Why is there a toilet paper on my porch!" she -- I bet she said, but, like, really mad... about it. [pause] I love pranks. Bryan: Sure... that's illustrative enough. I think it's the deviant effect. Abigail: Yeah! Halloween is a small window where anything goes, so anyone can put on a mask and embrace their inner villain. Stephen: Huh... W---, I guess so... but the wild nights of All Hallow's Eve are pretty much done for. The world is more dangerous, so the holidays are safer. Bryan: Even ringing a stranger's doorbell is risky business these days. Stephen: Hoo-boy! Careful there, they might think you're an Amazon delivery. [Ding dong] Everyone: Trick or treat! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 9. Stephen Kelly, Bryan Kelly, Abigail Endsley - "Scene 5: Nutter Butters and Neighbors" Dialogue written by Stephen Kelly Stephen: Candy corn? Abigail: I got candy corn. Stephen: This neighborhood has gone to hell. Bryan: You know, that actually might be the problem. Halloween, in the traditional sense, can't really exist without a strong community. Stephen: Like the idealized suburban village where the kids can run around after dark? Bryan: Pretty much. The deviant effect we mentioned before can really only work if it's a minor risk mitigated by greater safety. Click it or ticket. Abigail: Wait... you're right. Adding a small dash of the jitters to a world of genuine fear is pointless. We're not looking for extra danger. The whole darn holiday is built on a society that doesn't exist anymore. Bryan: Well, it does exist. Just not as frequently. Abigail: I was being dramatic. Bryan: And I was being pedantic. We make a good team. [Ding dong] Everyone: Trick or treat! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 11. YoshiBlade, Stephen Kelly, Bryan Kelly, Abigail Endsley - "Scene 6: Candy Corn and Conclusions" (Final Fantasy VI) Dialogue written by Stephen Kelly & YoshiBlade Stephen: There it is, guys... THE house. Rumor has it they had to install a second sitting room just to store the full-sized candy bars. [Final Fantasy VI track begins to play] Abigail: Beautiful... Bryan: I've never felt so happy. Abigail: Let's roll! Bryan: It's never not funny! Stephen: Uh... wait a second! Abigail: Come on! Cavities await! Stephen: [sighs] There's a reason I've been waxing poetic all night. I overheard my mom and dad talking. The neighborhood board of directors voted to end the door-to-door trick-or-treating. They're gonna start having it in the school gym as a party, where they just, you know, give you the candy in the different classrooms. I didn't want to spoil the mood for tonight, but... well, after being out here with you guys, it... it just doesn't seem like this is how it should end. Abigail: Wiiith giant bars of sugar and food coloring, processed an unreasonable number of times?! Stephen: No, no, I mean... is this gonna do it for you? Are you gonna remember that taste tomorrow? Tonight, it's Halloween candy, but tomorrow it'll just be... candy. I honestly don't know why Halloween is so important, and maybe it's different for everyone, but if there *is* a reason... I don't want this to be it. You guys can go, it's fine... I'm gonna stay here. Bryan: ...Okay. I'll stay with you. Abigail: Okay, so, um... I'll just run and grab one for-- uh... you-- and-- [sighs] Fine, I'll stay too. Stephen: Thanks, guys. So... I guess this is it. Last Halloween. [Music fades up, then back down] Bryan: Hey, man? Stephen: Yeah, man? Bryan: I do perceive you as a powerful ice wizard from Japan. But also a pretty good friend. Abigail: I perceive you all the same way. Only not the ice wizard part. Bryan: Thanks, Abigail. Hey, Stephen, want to leave these candy corn bags on your teacher's front porch? [Music continues] Stephen: Oh, man... I love pranks.